A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

During the teen years, it is vital that parents understand their teen’s behavior rather than merely react to it. – Sandra

Why Teens & Parents Often Struggle During the Teen Years:

1. Teens feel conditionally loved: “I’m OK only if I live up to your expectations.”
2. Parents don’t often allow teens to learn from failure, an excellent motivator.
3. Teens can’t learn time management skills simply through the creation of “daily routine” charts.
4. Parents gift their kids too many things and then wonder why teens are unappreciative and want more.
5. Teens don’t learn problem-solving skills when parents lecture them.
6. Parents don’t always calmly and simply say, “I love you, and the answer is no.”
7. Parents struggle with being kind and firm while holding teens accountable.
8. Parents too often tell their teen what to do rather than inviting them to brainstorm solutions.
9. Parents expect teens to “remember to do their chores” which is not a developmental guarantee.
10. Parents are often more interested in short-term results. For example: I’ll force you to do your homework now even if it means you will not do your best – because you are rebelling.
11. Parents nag, which invites resistance, instead of allowing teens to explore for themselves the relevance of what you want them to do.

Being a “drill sergeant” or a “helicopter parent”  can undermine a teen’s self-esteem, which preventing them from developing confidence in their own abilities. Successfully navigating this phase of life involves setting boundaries and enforcing consequences without becoming punitive, angry, or judgmental.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Do your teen daughter find herself feeling nervous when it comes to being around boys? Read up on things you can tell her about this topic. – Sandra

“I’ve always been friends with boys, but as lately, every time I see one of the guys I’ve been close to since kindergarten, I get really nervous. What’s wrong with me?”

I would guess that you are attracted to the guys you are feeling nervous around. This is not unusual. As hormones change, biologically we become interested in people who could be potential future life partners. This can leave you feeling self-conscious and awkward around people who, up until now, were simply your friends.

Also, as you grow up, you don’t always talk about the same things you used to talk about as a child. Therefore, you may also find yourself struggling to be with old friends in a new way. These can leave you feeling like you are just talking about random stuff.

Lastly, boys and girls who played together as children may start moving into different areas of interest as they prepare for their roles as young men and women. Our society tends to define people in terms of male and female roles, with different sets of expectations for each. This can be confusing, as those roles were not so obvious when you as children. People you thought you knew well can suddenly feel like strangers as they move in different directions from you.

Your job, during this time, is to discover who you are, and who you like spending time. My suggestion is to choose companions with whom you feel comfortable being yourself when you are around them.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

In order to be eligible to sign up for Facebook, kids must be 13 years of age or older. – Sandra

In a presentation I gave recently at a local middle school, I learned that many of the kids who have Facebook pages were under 13, and did not really understand the purpose of Facebook. Many teens and preteens seem to think that Facebook was designed as a popularity contest. Therefore, their intention in posting is to get people to “like” their posts and “friend” them. This can lead some teens to obsess over whether they are getting enough “likes’ and who has more friends.

Glued to their computers after school (or sometimes during, if they have the phone app) they stalk their peer’s Facebook pages to check for updates. Instead of using this website as a way to merely share special moments with people they care about, and who care about them, they set out to prove something – that they are worthy of attention.

Some teens go to such extremes as to post inappropriate photos of themselves and others, not recognizing the long-term consequences of those images floating around on the Internet – forever. Other teens engage in cyber-bullying, using the Facebook medium as a way to bash others and knock them down.

There is a maturity level that allows a young person to recognize who are actually their friends and to feel secure in, as well as nurture those relationships. I fear that 13 may be too young for many kids to have this level of emotional maturity. Until a child is able to step away from the computer on their own volition to attend to their homework and other responsibilities, Facebook may be an unnecessary distraction.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Read on to learn how you can help your teen deal with bullying. – Sandra

Has anyone ever intimidated you, or made you feel less than them? Perhaps it was a parent, a teacher, a neighbor, an employer, or a spouse. The feeling was probably one of helplessness and despair, along with perhaps some anger and the desire for revenge.

People often define things by right and wrong, good and bad, different and similar. When countries go to war over over religion and people are judged for the color of their skin or romantic preference, what lessons are we teaching our teens?

When little Johnnie hits a friend for taking his toy, there is an opportunity to teach him how to share. When bigger Johnnie mocks his classmate for his handicap or learning disability, there is an opportunity to teach him about diversity.

If your teen frequently hears you talk down about others, or experiences  you using intimidation to get them to do what you want, you may be teaching them how to be bullies, or victims. I invite you to consider the possibility of using your behavior to teach lessons of  respect, compassion and acceptance.

As for parents of the victims being bullied, there will always be people who don’t treat your teen in the way you would like. But if you help your teen to have a strong sense of self love, they can respond in ways that avoid giving bullies satisfaction.

There are ways to handle insults that remove their sting. For example, if someone makes a mocking comment about one’s clothes, hair, accent, or physical features, a response you could suggest to your teen might be to simply say: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Thank you for sharing yours.”

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Are you aware of how much time your teen spends on their phone each day? – Sandra

Call me old fashioned, but to me, the purpose of Facebook is to let the folks who care about you, but can’t see or speak with you every day (like grandparents, best friends, or kids away at college) get a glimpse into how you are doing and perhaps spending your days. It is not about obsessively creating posts for each and every thing you think or do.

Questions For Parents To Ponder:

1. How much time does your teen spend on their phone each day?

2. Do you ever limit their time on the phone or computer?

3. Does your teen spend more time on technology than actually seeing their friends?

4. Does looking at Instagram every make your teen feel lonely or sad?

5. Does your teen ever complain of online fights or cyber-bullying?

6. Has your teen ever lost their Instagram privileges for neglecting their schoolwork by being online too much?

7. Does your teen have hobbies outside of being online?

8. Do you ever feel like you can’t get your teen to step away from their computer?

9. Does your teen ever use texting because they are too shy to speak directly to someone?

10. If your teen did not have a computer (or cell phone), how might they stay in contact with their friends?

If you teen is spending too much time on the computer, then you may want to consider helping them to cut back, replacing screen time with time spent on homework, with family and friends, or getting some fresh air and exercise. Here is one solution that I have recommended to parents: Net Nanny Parental Control Software

Net Nanny^® provides:

• Ease of use
• Remote management
• Alerts and reporting
• Time controls
• Profanity masking
• Monitoring of IM chats

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Teens across the country are struggling, and many parents don’t know why, or how to help them. Read on to learn if therapy could help your family. – Sandra

Often, parents have avoided seeking mental health services for their teen due to the old stigma associated with therapy. However, did you realize that by waiting until the problem with your teen has escalated, the issue often becomes more complicated to solve?

The Internet now allows parents the opportunity to seek support for their child or family before the onset of mental illness has occurred. The Internet can also be a great tool for parents to do research and learn more about mental health related issues.

As a therapist for teens, I use the Internet and social media to be a resource promoting teen mental health. My intention is for parents, whose teens are in emotional pain, can consult with me on next steps in their child’s recovery.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

The behaviors that are being called bullying today are more appropriately called aggression or dominance behavior. – Sandra

Many times a bully is seeking power. If they don’t receive a sense of having some legitimate power at home – because they are in an environment where they are constantly being controlled, told what to do, as well as how and when to do it – they may seek power outside the home which can present in the form of bullying.

I think it is important for us to understand that kids who are bullied seem to attract the attention of other kids in ways that make them uncomfortable. Perhaps they are smaller, act in odd or unusual ways, suffer from mental or emotional challenges, or lack social skills. The bully is then able to exploit other kid’s discomfort, leading them to pick on the victim – or simply reacts out of his own discomfort.

For parents of bullying victims, please know that there will always be people who don’t treat your child the way you would like. We live in a world where differences in preference and opinion abound. Teaching your teen self-love and acceptance, and helping them to be comfortable in their own skin will enable them to respond in ways that prevent giving bullies satisfaction.

There are ways to handle insults from bullies that can remove their sting. For example, if someone makes amocking comment about one’s clothes, hair, accent or physical features, a viable response could be to simply say: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Thank you for sharing yours.” The bully is seeking a particular response from their victim, and when they fail to get that response, bullying stops being fun. Unless the bully is pathologically disturbed, simple techniques like using humor or walking away can resolve the situation.

Of course, physical violence must be dealt with through adult intervention with the intention of creating a corrective experience (i.e., anger management classes for the bully and emotional support for the victim). However, I want to caution those listening to not get caught up in rejecting attitudes toward bullies because this simply creates more humiliation and shame, a contributing factor behind their pain.

It is up to parents, teachers and anyone who has contact with children to truly listen and keep the lines of communication open. It is essential for kids to realize that they do not have to handle being bullied – alone. Working together, we can find a way for victims and bullies alike to safely get assistance.
If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Parents often struggle with the issue of giving their teen the freedom to grow, and the responsibility of teaching them about life and keeping them safe. – Sandra

Raising a child today is tricky business. The internet allows kids to connect with people they might otherwise not have contact with. Cell phones allow kids to talk to people at all hours of the day and night without their parents having any idea of what they are talking about. This is terrifying for parents, who want to protect their children from harm.

Trust is something that is earned. In answering your questions, parents have an opportunity to help their teen recognize that they are in fact making mature and responsible choices. I encourage you to have a conversation with your teen about your concerns, and your desire for them to win your trust. Tell them directly what it would take for you to give them more freedom.

If they are doing things they shouldn’t, as frustrating as it may be, your are doing them a huge favor by keeping an eye on them. Adolescence is a time of exploration, and unfortunately, its easy to make some choices that are not very wise, and/or unsafe.

If, in fact, they are doing everything you is asking of them, and you find yourself still wanting to micro-manage their life, then you may be struggling with a particular parenting style. Some parents are just very anxious. Unfortunately, like a personality style, these things don’t change very easily. In this situation, the best advice I can give you is to get some parenting support.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

If there are 13 million kids who are hurt by bullying every year… who’s doing it? – Sandra

What happened to make kids who purposely hurt others so cruel? How do we address the root causes? Did you know that kids with a diagnosis of depression were three times more likely to bully?

In our society, shame – making someone feel bad about themselves – is also a very acceptable parenting tool to control kids. Comparisons with siblings or other kids, mocking age and ability, making kids feel stupid or inferior… many children hear shaming and humiliating messages all day long. Doesn’t that sound similar to what some students endure at the hands of bullies?

Facial expressions, body language, tone and volume of voice, threatening violence, withholding affection, rejecting behavior, demeaning words, and physical punishment can impact a child’s self-esteem and teach them how to behave in an aggressive manner.

To really address bullying, we need to fundamentally change the way we see children, and begin to truly treat them with the respect that all people deserve. Good character traits, like empathy and respect, are skills that need to be learned at home. We have to teach our kids how we expect them to treat others – as well as show them how we expect them to treat others.

Bullying others is a choice. Compassion, kindness, respect, and any other moral characteristic are learned behaviors. There are many people who have chosen to practice nonviolent behavior. Help your teen learn to make kinder choices.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Middle School is a time when the opinions of friends become very important, and pre-teens often wonder about how to fit in. – Sandra

Adolescence is a time when young people are discovering who they are and how they want to be perceived in the world. One of the challenges that pre-teens face during this time is that each family has their own set of rules.

The key is to respond to your pre-teen’s requests with respect and creativity. The privilege of staying up later is something that can be earned. One option is talk about how they might earn the privilege of staying up a little later.

Some shows that are on at night have adult language and behavior that some parents would prefer that their children not watch. It could be helpful to learn more about the shows they are referring to. If you are open to their watching these shows, but are just concerned about them getting enough sleep on a school night, then perhaps you would consider taping them for your child and allowing them to watch the show at an earlier time the following day, or on the weekend.

The bottom line is that there is a good chance that your child will find themselves in situations where they are not allowed to do everything that all of their friends are doing. As long as they live in your house, you will be setting some rules.

The better your relationship with your child, the better chance you have of calmly negotiating with them for what they want. And in those times when they don’t get their way, it’s important for them to know that they are not the only one who struggles with parents who set limits.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

• Free Initial Consultation >
• Effective Parenting Classes >
• Adolescent Counseling 11-18 >
• Social Skills Assessment & Coaching >
• Young Adult Life Skills Coaching 19-24 >

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.