Is Your Teen Jealous Of Her Older Sister?


A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

It may feel so unfair when an older sister gets to do things that you are not yet allowed to do. Here are some ways to support your daughter. – Sandra

“My older sister gets to do so much more than me, which I don’t think its fair!  How can I feel happier with what I have?

I think the first thing we need to establish is that your sister is not to blame for the privileges she gets for being older.  This has nothing to do with their love for either of you. It has everything to do with their trying to make wise decisions about their children’s  safety.

So getting angry at your sister is not the best idea. Because she is older, she will be able to teach you a lot of things that will make your life easier. At the very least, you can learn by watching her. Ideally, she will be a friend of yours for the rest of your life.

The following are a list of some stress reducers when you find yourself feeling jealous and upset:

1. Politely ask your parents when they think you will be able to participate in the activity you are feeling jealous of. (This may reassure you that your time is coming soon, but just be careful not to nag them.)

2. Start a gratitude journal where you write down at least 5 wonderful things that happened in your day, each night before you go to sleep. (you could even share this with your parents if you wanted to)

3. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are loved very much by your family, and that when your sister was your age, she had the same limitations that you do now.

4. Try to avoid comparing yourself to anyone, and live every moment of your life enjoying what you have.

If you were to fill a glass of water halfway, someone might tell you it is half empty. Someone else might say it is half full. The half full person is focusing on the positive. I suggest that you do too. Life definitely tends to be much more fun that way!!

Also, remember that younger sisters still get cool perks that older sisters don’t have anymore! (like having your laundry done for you) Soon enough you’ll be old enough to get the privileges that your older sibling gets.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

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