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Parenting Teens After A Divorce

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

It’s often difficult for teens whose parents have split apart. Wherever possible, try to communicate directly and privately with the other parent about matters relevant to your children. Read on for more suggestions. – Sandra

A teen doesn’t like the feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents. Adolescents want parents to talk with each other so that the messages are communicated the right way, and don’t feel like they are going to mess up. It is unfair to make your teen carry messages to your “ex” because you find it too awkward or aggravating to do so yourself.

Avoid arguing and discussing child support issues in front of your teen. Most teens upon hearing these things feel that their existence is a burden on their parents. Do not put your teen in the middle of your child support disputes.

It hurts your teen very much to hear one loved parent criticize the other loved parent. When teens hear bad things about one parent, they hear bad things about half of themselves. Even if you are sure you’re right, try to avoid criticizing the other parent around your kids.

DESTRUCTIVE REMARKS THAT YOU SHOULD NOT MAKE:

  • You’re lazy/stubborn/bad tempered, just like your mother/father.
  • Your mother/father put you up to saying that.
  • Your dad/mom doesn’t love any of us or he/she wouldn’t have left us.
  • You can’t trust her/him.
  • He/she was just no good.
  • If she/he loved you, she/he would send your support checks on time.
  • Someday you’ll leave me too, just like your father/mother.

All of these remarks raise fear and anxiety in your teen.

It is very difficult for the teen of divorced parents to cope with feeling “caught in the middle.” If they want to tell you about time spent with their other parent (and they usually don’t), listen closely and politely, and then stop. Encourage your teen to love both parents. Asking your teen to take your side in any situation regarding your ex-spouse can create a tremendous amount of stress for your teen. Your teen wants to love both of his or her parents. Avoid putting teens in the position of having to take sides.

Complaining to your teen about how lonely you feel makes them feel guilty and sad. It’s not healthy for a teen to be consumed with worry for their parents’ ability to survive. Let your teen be a teenager. Your teen will have the best chance of growing up to be a functional human male or female with both parents as role models and nurturers. This means that there should be some way of them having access to the good each parent has to offer.” (Acknowledging Ruben Francia)

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Why Teens Experiment With Drugs

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Did you know that self-medication through drugs or alcohol is often an attempt to regulate or avoid painful feelings? – Sandra

Feelings aren’t always comfortable. Some teens so strongly dislike feeling sad, anxious, angry or insecure so much that they will do anything to avoid these feelings, such as experimenting with mood altering chemicals.

Teens at high risk of actually becoming addicted to these substances are often lacking deep connections with others. Meaning, they feel emotionally cut off from most people in their life.

Adolescence, with all the changes that accompany it, can be an intense time where teens are overwhelmed by new feelings. Substance abuse in teenagers can appear as attention seeking, and/or isolating behavior.

Reaching out in times of challenge is always a wise decision. If you have noticed changes in your teen’s behavior that leads you to suspect that drugs are involved, I have numerous resources available to help them.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Is Your Teen Depressed?

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Teen depression seems to be on the rise, affecting one out of every 20 teenagers. What is the cause … and what is the solution? – Sandra

During the teenage years, the pressure to conform with their peers can be incredibly strong. If kids feel different, inadequate or deprived in some way, then feelings of self-loathing and depression may be the result. With Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram so prevalent, teens are being bombarded with images that they feel they need to live up to.

There are also increasing concerns about competition for college, and the endless hours that are going into creating the perfect resume with extracurricular activities and advanced coursework. Today’s adolescents are exhausted, overwhelmed and breaking down.

It is important for parents to make a distinction between situational depression: which is a normal reaction to stress or loss, and clinical depression: believed to be caused by brain chemistry and not related to external situations. Regardless of the cause, it can be beneficial for teens to receive support going through these periods from a trained professional.

“The idea that one must be, and look, endlessly cheerful is a destructive and daunting expectation for teens.” says Dr. Andrew Weil, who feels that kids need to learn that happiness is not some end point to be achieved. I teach teens how to discover a sense of peace and contentment through life’s ups and downs, see and accept life as is, and find ways to respond effectively to each situation.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Is Your Teen Emotionally Intense?

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Highly sensitive & creative teens are frequently misunderstood, mislabelled and misdiagnosed. – Sandra

Teens who are extremely sensitive experience day-to-day life even more vividly and deeply. With their unique ways of perceiving the world, “emotionally intense” responses to challenges at home, school, work or in relationships are common.

Unfortunately, this emotional intensity is often misunderstood, and these intelligent, caring, and expressive young people are frequently mislabeled and misdiagnosed. There is great value in highly sensitive adolescents learning to manage their vulnerabilities — and harness their strengths.

I help highly sensitive young people to expand their ‘window of tolerance,’ so they are less easily triggered into states of acute stress, rage, and panic. I can teach your teen to harness their strengths and manage their vulnerabilities–so that they can thrive.

Being in the world with a highly responsive nervous system is not a disorder. But it can be challenging for parents and teachers to understand this young person’s hesitancy before trying new things, and their reactiveness to feeling overwhelmed.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Frequently Yelling At Your Teen?

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A Note From the Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Do you sometimes get so frustrated with your teen’s behavior that you find yourself yelling? – Sandra

Stepping away for a moment to keep yourself from exploding may give you space to determine what actions could actually help your teen move beyond their inappropriate behavior. Taking a deep breath whenever you feel stressed and overwhelmed can help calm your nerves and bring your thoughts into a more a peaceful alignment.

Once you feel ready to discuss your teen’s behavior, try expressing curiosity about their choices instead of judgment. In this manner, you are able to learn more about their motivation and point of view. Utilize their mistakes as an opportunity to help them to grow by creating a discussion where you respectfully impart your life wisdom.

Remember, you don’t have to fix everything today. Sometimes there is value in teaming up with a teen specialist who can help you explore solutions. Remember the old saying that it takes a village to raise a child? Let me support you in becoming the best parent you can be!

Adolescent counselor, family therapist and respectful parenting coach for over 10 years based in Santa Monica, California.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teen Safety Behind Closed Doors

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A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Do you know what actually goes on behind your teen’s closed door? Read on to learn more. – Sandra

Girls and guys alike may preen in front of the mirror, checking out their hair and skin, trying on outfits that they hope make them look good. They may also engage in phone conversations that consist of gossip, flirtations, or simply getting emotional support about teen “phase of life” issues. However, sometimes what goes on behind closed doors may not be so innocent. With the potential danger of sexting and cyber-bullying, it is helpful for parents to have a clear idea of what is going on in their teen’s room when no one is watching.

I personally like the concept of not putting a lock on a teen’s bedroom door. This does not mean that a parent can enter without knocking first. But it does serve as a reminder to teens that parents have access to their room.

Another interesting choice I see parents make is allowing their teens to entertain their boyfriends and girlfriends in their bedrooms. If the intention is simply to have some privacy for their conversation, perhaps a space can be designated for them to chat without interruption. If, however, space is limited, then you may want to consider the possibility of requiring that their bedroom door be left open …

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teen Safety Begins With Communication

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A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Teens can be impulsive, rebellious and not always conscious of the consequences of their behavior. Here are my thoughts on supporting your teen. – Sandra

First, and foremost, you want to maintain open lines of communication between you and your teen. Yes, I understand that this is sometimes easier said than done. Consider the possibility of agreeing to disagree; for there is value in being able to talk to them, as well as listening to what they are telling you.

I have found that teens can be very forthright and honest. They often want to tell you about the mischief they are conceiving, as they are quite proud of themselves. For every secretive child, there are 5 more who don’t think twice about enthusiastically sharing about some of the outrageous things they are planning — or have done.

Try not to shut them down with quick judgments. If they are open to sharing with you, you have an opportunity to use that conversation to help them explore and understand the possible consequences of their behavior. Ask questions like: “So what do you imagine could be some potential problems with building a bike ramp off of the roof into the pool?”

Teens are amazing. Teens are wonderful. They are also oblivious of the fragility of these human bodies we reside in. They think they are invincible and will live forever. Do you remember when you used to feel that way? The good news is that you survived your Teen Years. Now it’s your turn to pass on your wisdom–to this next generation.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Is Your Teen Highly Anxious?

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

Increased feelings of uneasiness about their body, performance, and peer acceptance are common in adolescence – Sandra

When your teen talks to me about their fears and anxieties, I listen carefully and respectfully, without discounting their feelings. Some adolescents are just naturally more timid than others. As their bodies, voices, and emotions change during adolescence, these sensitive young people may feel even more self-conscious.

In extreme cases, the adolescents can become very withdrawn, unable to overcome intense self-doubt and worry. I work with these teens to trace their anxiety to specific situations and experiences, and teach them techniques to help them reduce the overwhelming nature of their anxious feelings.

While anxiety disorders can cause considerable distress in a teen’s life, the overall prognosis is good. Extreme anxiety in teens may require a combination of treatment interventions that can include meditation, Neurofeedback, or a referral for medication. The most effective plan is one that is individualized to the teenager and their family.

Anxiety carries information. My goal is to help my teen clients learn self-soothing techniques to manage their anxiety, so they can move beyond it to reach their goals.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teaching Teens To Resolve Conflicts

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A Note From the Santa Monica Teen & Family Counselor

There is a saying “Give a man to fish, you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life.” – Sandra

Your teen is in the process of learning how to tolerate and digest their uncomfortable feelings, so be sure to give them the space to do this. One way you can assist your teen is in inviting them to reflect on their day. You can give them the opportunity to expand their emotional vocabulary and practice emotional intelligence by asking them these 3 questions at bedtime:

  1. What happened today that made you happy?
  2. Did anything happen today that made you sad?
  3. Was there anything that caused you to feel frustrated?

Sometimes parents need to act as their teen’s surrogate frontal lobe by helping them name their feelings, explore options, and figure out if solutions agreed upon take both party’s needs into consideration. For your teen to be able to participate successfully in conflict-resolution discussions with you, they must first:

  • Be able to identify and articulate their concerns.
  • Be able to consider a range of possible solutions.
  • Be able to reflect on the likely outcome of those solutions, as well as the degree to which they are mutually satisfactory.

How can you help your teen gain the skills of flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance and conflict resolution? By involving them in the decision-making process in a collaborative way. Explosive behavior occurs in teens when the demands of the environment exceed their capacity to respond adaptively.

If you believe your teen is being overly reactive because of lagging skills and unresolved problems, then offering rewards and punishments may not be the best approach. Solving those problems and teaching those skills would make much better sense!

Adolescent counselor, family therapist and respectful parenting coach for over 10 years based in Santa Monica, California.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Choosing a Therapist for Your Teen

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A Note From The Santa Monica Teen & Family Therapist

I specialize in working with shy, sensitive and creative teenagers from diverse, multicultural families. -Sandra

I help parents get the whole picture of what’s going on in their teen’s mind, including the neurological changes that occur during adolescence. The reason I offer families with teens a FREE Initial Parent Consultation is to give you the opportunity to get a better sense of who I am–and how I work. In learning more about the symptoms your family is experiencing, I am able to make recommendations on how to address the challenges your teen is struggling with.

Not all family therapists have extensive experience working with the teen population. Along with my Marriage and Family Therapist license, I have advanced training in Child Specialization Studies and Adolescent Psychology, and over 10 years experience as practicing counselor for teenagers. I specialize in coaching and therapy for highly sensitive adolescents and their families. I currently write a Teen Advice Blog and have 2 books on Amazon.com called “What Would Your Teen Life Coach Say?” and “What Would Your Teen Therapist Say?”

Before starting family counseling, it is important for parents to reflect on what they hope to get out of the experience of therapy. It is also essential for you to examine your readiness to embrace the changes that may be necessary for your family to make. Family therapy is a collaborative relationship between you and I, with parents needing to reinforce the work I do at home.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

Menu of Services Offered:

Call Now to Schedule a Free Consultation!

Click to Call:

(310) 951-5678
.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.