Best friends often say things without thinking about how their words may affect each other. Read on to learn how to teach your teen how to handle misunderstandings.

“I started playing basketball on a team a year ago. One day, me and my BFF were shooting baskets and she told me she was better than me at playing basketball. That may be true, but what she said hurt my feeling! What should I do?”

I can appreciate that what your friend said about her being better than you, at a sport you are trying to compete in, did not feel nice. Since you are BFFs, I think it could be helpful to let her know how you feel.

Words Have Impact
The problem isn’t that she thinks she is better than you at shooting baskets. You, yourself, said she is really good. The problem is that she didn’t seem to understand how her words affected you.

The Meaning of Words
The question I have for you is what did her words mean to you? Did they mean that she doesn’t care about you in the way you thought she did? Do they mean that she is somehow no longer your equal? To be able to communicate what you feel, it is important for you to understand what you are feeling.

Self Acceptance
Adolescence is a time in life when teens are trying to figure out who they are. By comparing yourself to others, you find out what you are good at, and where you may have to work harder. Your friend may have simply been trying to feel good about herself.

Uncomfortable Feelings
Adolescence is also a time of feeling vulnerable and a little insecure. Which is why teens are very sensitive to things that are said by their friends. This may be why it feels really uncomfortable to talk to her right now.

Expectations
Something else to consider is that there are often expectations that go along with being best friends. I would guess that one of these expectations is that a best friend would cheer you on, and believe in you. It can be shocking and disappointing when your friend says something less than positive or encouraging.

Repairing Relationships
Communicating how you feel in a kind and respectful manner can go a long way towards repairing this relationship. Your friend may not have meant any harm, and may even believe that you are better than her in other areas. Perhaps this situation could be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, by discussing what it actually means to each of you to be each others best friend.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

Does your teen have a best friend that she don’t get along with? Read on to learn how to address this issue:

“My best friend Anna, I like A LOT. But another friend Hannah, who is Anna’s best friend, I don’t really trust, because she has lied to me or just plain ignored me. I am thinking about avoiding Anna because of Hannah, but I don’t want to hurt Anna. What can I do?!?”

Best Friends
You mentioned that you and Hannah are best friends with Anna. Often, when someone is best friends with more than one person, their other friends may get competitive for their attention. In this case, Hannah may be competing with you.

Identifying Your Feelings
It sounds like it hasn’t been pleasant for you to spend time with Anna when Hannah is also around. Given that she has ignored you and has even lied to you, I can appreciate that you don’t feel like you can trust her.

Considering Your Options
In situations like these, you always have options. You can, as you suggested, not be Anna’s best friend anymore. But as you said, you don’t want to hurt her, and she isn’t the one you are having problems with. So, perhaps there are other options you may want to consider.

Hanging Out in Groups of 4 or More
Sometimes, it is less intense when you add more people into the group. Whereas with only 3, if Hannah is talking to Anna, you may be left with no one to talk to. But with even one other person present, the equation becomes more balanced.

Personal Time
A second option is to invite Anna to spend time alone with you. At school, this may not be as easy to do, but after school and on weekends, she may be willing to set aside time to be with you.

Winning Over Your Competition
Although perhaps not your first choice, another option is to find a way to get closer to Hannah. If you are both competing for Anna’s attention, you may not have even given your friendship a chance to grow. If you could figure out a way to make Hannah a friend of yours, this could solve your problem.

People Are Interesting
We will not necessarily like everyone. Not everyone will like us. People can change over time. Which is why our friendships also can change over time. If you are enjoying Anna now, and are not ready to give up your friendship, then you need to find a creative way to work with the choices she is making about other friends in her life. Perhaps you might want to add a new friend to your life…

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

Welcome to my office … a sanctuary where teenagers come to explore their feelings, discuss what’s on their mind, and discover their authentic expression.

ONE FAMILY’S STORY:

“We came to Sandra Dupont with concerns about our fifteen year-old daughter–whose risky behavior was increasing. Sandra was very responsive and proved to be extremely knowledgeable about families in crisis..

She helped us coordinate a plan of action that brought our family to a healthier place. We are forever thankful to Sandra, and so fortunate to have had her support and assistance. ”

.Worried about your teen?  Schedule aFREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

Do your teen daughter find herself feeling nervous when it comes to being around boys? Read up on things you can tell her about this topic:

“I’ve always been friends with boys, but as lately, every time I see one of the guys I’ve been close to since kindergarten, I get really nervous and start talking about random stuff! What’s wrong with me?”

Hormones are Changing
I would guess that you are attracted to the guys you are feeling nervous around. This is not unusual. As hormones change, biologically we become interested in people who could be potential future life partners. This can leave you feeling self-conscious and awkward around people who, up until now, were simply your friends.

Redefining Your Relationships
Also, as you grow up, you don’t always talk about the same things you used to talk about as a child. Therefore, you may also find yourself struggling to be with old friends in a new way. These can leave you feeling like you are just talking about random stuff.

Male and Female Roles
Lastly, boys and girls who played together as children may start moving into different areas of interest as they prepare for their roles as young men and women. Our society tends to define people in terms of male and female roles, with different sets of expectations for each. This can be confusing, as those roles were not so obvious when you as children. People you thought you knew well can suddenly feel like strangers as they move in different directions from you.

Finding Your Way
Your job, during this time, is to discover who you are, and who you like spending time. My suggestion is to choose companions with whom you feel comfortable being yourself when you are around them.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

I SEE YOU
In the recent movie “Avatar” the natives of a garden planet greeted each other with the words “I see you.” It was the deepest form of respect that one person could show another. What they were saying is that I see you for who you really are. How often do you feel seen in this way?

WHAT ARE YOUR UNIQUE GIFTS?
It seems to me that each of of us has something unique to share with the world. For those of you who are artists, are you finding ways to honor your gift of creative expression? Perhaps your music or writing will help someone along their journey.

ASSISTING OTHERS
Not everyone is meant to be a performer or artist. Sometimes, being a good listener, or lending a helping hand can make all the difference in someone’s life. Volunteering to assist others less fortunate than you is one of the most generous thing you can do with your spare time.

PEOPLE ARE INTER-DEPENDENT
We are all dependent upon each other. Someone else grows your food, makes your clothes, and builds your homes and schools. In the teen years,  you are old enough to start reflecting on how you would like to contribute in the world.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations, Parent Coaching, Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

It can be hard when your daughter’s friends start dating, and she feels left behind. Read on to learn how to address this issue. – Sandra

“Everyone seems to have a boyfriend except me, and I feel left out. My friends are all changing, going out with guys, while I’m left alone with no boys. What should I do? I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

Change Can Be Challenging
Change is not easy for anyone. Watching her female friends start putting their energy and attention into guys can definitely leave your daughter feeling left out.

Change Can Mean Loss
I think what you are mainly referring to is the fact that your daughter’s relationships with her friends are changing. This can be a sad time, as the closeness she once felt is not there in the same way anymore, and she experiences a loss of something she values.

Change Can Open New Doors
Growing up is filled with changes. New schools, body changes, meeting new people, saying goodbye to people you liked, and starting to date …. Change, although challenging, can also mean exciting new beginnings.

A New Phase of Life
The time when girls and guys start dating does not happen exactly the same way for everyone. There are some girls that jump right in, and others that prefer to take things slower. But eventually, everyone seems to move into enjoying this new phase of life.

Staying Connected
Something that could be helpful during this time of transition is to encourage your daughter to be a very good listener to her friends. I would guess that they have a lot to talk about regarding their adventures in dating. There could be a lot to learn from their experiences. It is a way for her to stay connected and show that she cares.

Friendships Evolve
Friendships, like any relationship, evolve over time. The key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy is to give each other the space to grow and change. I would suggest you encourage your daughter start putting time into activities she really enjoys doing, and give her friends time to find their way.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

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A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

Whether you are a parent or a teenager, change is seldom easy. It can challenge the relationships between a parent and teen when either or both of them are under stress. – Sandra

Economic Changes
With the changes in today’s economic climate, parents and teens are being challenged to negotiate for what they want and need in ways that they perhaps haven’t had to before. How can parents and teens use this opportunity to cooperate and better understand each other?

Body Changes
Teens are not the only one experiencing changes in their bodies. Parents are getting older, and may be going through hormonal changes as well. How can parents and teens have empathy for the changes they each may be going through?

Personal Loss
Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to stay married. Sometimes best friends move away. Boyfriends and girlfriends can break up. During these times, it is helpful that teens and parents make space for each other to mourn their loss, and perhaps even find ways to find compassion and support for each other in their process of letting go.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

Pretty is as Pretty Does
Do you know anyone who looks beautiful from the outside, but are really not nice people? Have you noticed others who are not beauty queens, but you love being with them?

Society’s Standards
Its not uncommon for young women to compare themselves to the airbrushed images of today’s fashion models. The media is full of photos of girls who appear to look flawless.

Its an Illusion
Without make-up, perfect lighting and good camera angles, the girls teens see on television and on billboards do not really look the same as they do in the advertisement. They have pimples and have bad hair days like everyone else.

Working with What you Have
Everyone is born with a unique look. The size and shape of one’s facial features as well as one’s body shape is usually a combination of genetics. Thus everyone needs to learn how to work with what they’ve got.

Health is Beautiful
Have you noticed that people who eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and drink plenty of water have good skin? People who exercise regularly have a nice muscle tone and fit well in their clothes.

Accepting Yourself
Before you decide to change, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Who are you changing for? Who are you comparing yourself to? What do you like about yourself? What can you realistically change?

Loving Yourself
If you decide to make some changes, make sure they come from a place of loving yourself … for your physical appearance is just a small part of who you really are. (And hopefully, the people you choose to surround yourself with are wise enough to know this)

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support & Social Skills Groups

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

By recording and reflecting on their thoughts, teens can gain new insights and perspectives, as well as enhance their moods. – Sandra

JOURNALING IS ABOUT LEARNING
Did you know that writing about emotional upheavals or difficulties that they experience can improve a teen’s physical and mental health? Journaling is about learning — about oneself, about different perspectives, letting go of negative thoughts and feelings so that positive thoughts and feelings can take their place.

TEEN JOURNALING AND SUPPORT GROUP
Sometimes the difference between teens at their best and teens at their worst is determined by the way they handle their feelings. Therefore, I invite you consider having your daughter join my Teen Girl’s Journaling and Support Group.

HOW TO JOURNAL
The more accurately your teen can learn to identify her feelings, the clearer her understanding of herself will become. Each day, your daughter’s goal is to identify the emotion that is present as she is journaling and capture it with as much description as possible. She will also benefit from identifying events and conversations that triggered her moods.

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TO JOIN A TEEN GIRL JOURNALING GROUP

Click Here

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**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

www.SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations, Parent Coaching, Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support & Social Skills Groups

 A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

It is important that parents clearly define their expectations with regard to their teenager’s behavior and responsibilities, both at home and away from home. – Sandra

The Teen Therapist Parenting Support Manual is designed to help you and your teen reflect on their behavior as well as your expectations for their behavior and open a discussion where mutual understanding and cooperation can take place.

This packet has five main parts:

1. MY BEHAVIORS:
To be used to identify the behaviors that are expected from your family members.

2. MY RESPONSABILITIES:
To be used to clarify your expectations for your teen with regard to household chores, checking in, homework, grooming, computer usage, etc.

3. CHARACTER BUILDING:
Can be used to discuss values you want to instill in your teen.

4. LIFE SKILLS: 
Designed to guide you and your teen in a discussion about skills they will need to
cultivate in order to successfully participate in the world.

5. Contractual Agreement
Allows you to put in writing the expected behaviors and responsibilities you and your teen have agreed to, along with the agreed upon positive and negative consequences when those behaviors and responsibilities being upheld or not.

As a parent, you are expected to provide their children with a roof over their head, food to eat, clothes to wear, medical treatment, and protection from harm. However, cell phones, computers, spending money, stylish clothes, extracurricular activities and driving or being driven to their friend’s homes are all privileges that a child may earn through respectful and cooperative behavior toward their parents.

Implementing these concepts can take some time, which will vary substantially depending on the emotional maturity of your child. Don’t feel like you have to tackle them all at once. If there are other significant issues that are being addressed, you may want to study these concepts and implement them when you can.

In some situations, parents have not had the previous experience of entering into a similar discussion with their own parents. Therefore, I am more than happy to work together with you and your child to facilitate these discussions.

To receive your free copy

click here 

**Note: If your teen is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support & Social Skills Groups

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

I gently guide teens in a direction that gets them thinking about who they truly are, what they want, and how to express themselves with kindness and grace.- Sandra

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What Would Your Teen Therapist Say? – Book Review

“In her new book, What Would Your Teen Therapist Say?: A Workbook For Discovering Your True Self-Expression (Volume 1), Los Angeles-based teen therapist Sandra Dupont presents weekly tasks and then provides space for her reader to work through the process in writing.

Thought-provoking themes in the workbook include listening closely to your conversations to make sure you’re saying what you really mean; paying attention to how you spend your time to determine the worthiness of those activities; examining your belief system to see if it still fits; or asking if your friends support you and your dreams.

She also asks the reader to identify inspirational or teachable moments in their own lives, challenges them to find success in their failures, and encourages them to share the gift of their own wisdom with others.

Each weekly lesson prompts the reader to answer questions or imagine various scenarios, some of which are designed to focus on the positive or help the reader develop courage and confidence. The exercises are not always introspective. The teen therapist also asks her readers to find ways to give from the heart, and think about how they can make a difference in the world.

For teens in need of guidance during one of the most difficult transitions in life, this book will help them to become independent, self-aware and self-fulfilled young adults.” by Cameron James–Freelance Writer

**Note: If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

www.SandraDupontMFT.com

ADOLESCENT THERAPIST | PARENT COACH | TEEN MENTOR

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Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support & Social Skills groups, teenagers problems, teen life coach, teen life coaching

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

It can be hurtful when friends change, leaving their old friends behind. Here are some ideas on how to speak to your teen about these changes. – Sandra

“At school my best friend ignores me because she is friends with the “popular kids.” I tried to tell her one time how I am feeling but she ran away crying.”

Sometimes Friends Make New Choices
Sometimes friends make choices that can create distance between the two of you, like your friend trying too hard to fit in with the popular kids at school. On one hand, your friend obviously likes spending time with you. On the other hand, she also dreams of being popular.

Each person must ultimately learn whether they prefer to have just a few close friends, or many acquaintances. Acquaintances are friends of convenience, who are around in the good times, but are not always around when you need them. Although you can’t help your friend to make up her mind, it sounds like you have a clear idea of what kind of friendship you want.

Sit Down Together and Talk
It is understandable that you are bothered by her ignoring you. Her crying the last time you mentioned how you feel seems to indicate she is struggling with some feelings of her own. Ideally, it would be good if you could both sit down together and talk about your enjoyment of being friends. In a perfect world, the two of you would then come to some understanding of where you want to go from here.

Try to Come Up With an Agreement
It would be nice if you could come up with an agreement that she would stop ignoring you, and that she could still make new friends. Juggling two sets of friends, however, requires a lot of maturity on everyone’s part. Unfortunately, this level of maturity may not yet be present with all the people involved.

Another option is for you to decide to patiently wait until after school to spend time with her. In this way, you could still be friends while she explored whether the experience of being popular is really what she thinks it is. If this is your choice, it would be important to not ruin your time together by complaining.

Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go
The last option is let her move on, knowing that sometimes people just grow in different directions. Although this is a very sad decision, you need to ultimately take care of yourself. If her ignoring you is too painful, then this could be a good choice..

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support & Social Skills Groups