A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist

It can be really frustrating when your parents have expectations that do not fit your dreams and plans. Read on for ideas on how to encourage their support. -Sandra.

“My parents support me in school and things they value. I dream of being a singer/songwriter. How can I get them to support me in my dreams?“

Parents Want to Protect Their Children

In an attempt to protect their children from disappointment, parents often try steer them towards careers they are more familiar and comfortable with. It sounds like your parents have some strong ideas about what it means to be and actor or singer. It might be helpful to sit down with them and ask about their concerns.

Respectful Communication Goes a Long Way

As you know, the entertainment industry is highly competitive. The hours that are required to be successful in that profession can can take away time from school, friendships and other social activities. Your parents may be concerned that you will miss out on the experience of adolescence by focusing on being in the entertainment industry. If you are respectful in listening to them, you may find that they may be more open to hearing your request for acting lessons.

Find a Middle Ground

Expressing your interests in a mature manner will probably go further than sulking or storming around the house. See if there is a middle ground that you and your parents can agree on. For example, perhaps they would be open to your taking an acting class as long as you to maintain a certain GPA, and/or participate in an activity of their choosing.

In my experience, joining the singing and theatre groups at school is a good way to prove that you are serious about your passion for performing. As time goes by, your parents may discover that you have the talent and commitment to go the distance with your acting/singing career.

In the meantime, there is value in your participating in a variety of experiences and meeting different types of people, as the information could ultimately come in handy in any acting role that you might someday be asked to play.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist

It is always fun to get together with friends and chat about things, even other people, but crossing the line to gossiping can be dangerous.,,,,,,,-Sandra

“My best friend loves to gossip about other people, and I am afraid that she is gossiping about me. What should I do?”

Gossiping can mean a few things:

• Your friend could be feeling envious or jealous of someone, and is trying to feel better about herself by saying negative things about someone.
• Your friend may be trying to feel more popular, and is using gossip to gather other people around her.
• Your friend may be angry with someone, but instead of handling her hurt feelings directly with that person, she is venting her upset feelings publicly.
• She may see some behavior in that other person that she thinks is wrong and is trying to make that person change by letting everyone know what they have done.

Since she is your best friend, your opinion is probably very important to her. Have you considered sharing with her your feelings and concerns about gossiping in general and creating a discussion?

If it seems like she is open to the discussion, you could even go so far as to express your fear that she may talk about you to others. You can then invite her to tell you directly about anything she thinks is getting in the way of your friendship and promise to do the same for her.

She is doing what she is doing for a reason. However, she may not understand why she is doing it and your conversation could be a safe place where she can explore her feelings. Together, you could discover better options for handling these situations besides gossiping.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

“I don’t feel like I am pretty or healthy. What can I do to change that?”

Pretty is as Pretty Does

Do you know anyone who looks beautiful from the outside, but are really not nice people? Have you noticed others who are not beauty queens, but you love being with them?

Society’s Standards

Its not uncommon for young women to compare themselves to the airbrushed images of today’s fashion models. The media is full of photos of girls who appear to look flawless.

Its an Illusion

Without make-up, perfect lighting and good camera angles, the girls you see on television and on billboards do not look the same as they do in an advertisement. They get pimples and have bad hair days like everyone else.

Working with What you Have

Everyone is born with a unique look. The size and shape of one’s facial features as well as one’s body shape is usually a combination of genetics. Thus everyone needs to learn how to work with what they’ve got.

Health is Beautiful

Have you noticed that people who eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and drink plenty of water seem to have good skin? People who exercise regularly seem to have nice muscle tone and fit well in their clothes.

Accepting Yourself

Before you decide to change, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Who are you changing for? Who are you comparing yourself to? What do you like about yourself? What can you realistically change?

Loving Yourself

If you decide to make some changes, make sure they come from a place of loving yourself… for your physical appearance is just a small part of who you really are. (And hopefully, the people you choose to surround yourself with are wise enough to know this)

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

“My mom is always checking on who I am talking to on the phone and what I am doing on the computer. I am getting older and she should trust me more! Why doesn’t she trust me?”

Parents often struggle with the issue of giving their child freedom to grow and experience the consequences of their behavior, and the responsibility of teaching them about life and keeping them safe.

Questioning Your integrity

It sounds like you feel hurt by the fact that your mom checks up on you. We all have a way we view ourselves, and the fact that your mother is questioning your integrity may go against your ideal self-image, and the way you would like to be perceived.

Modern Technology

Raising a child today is tricky business. The internet allows kids to connect with people they might otherwise not have contact with. Cell phones allow kids to talk to people at all hours of the day and night without their parents having any idea of what they are talking about. This is terrifying for parents, who want to protect their children from harm.

Straight Talk

Trust is something that is earned. By answering your mother’s questions, you help her to recognize that you are in fact making mature and responsible choices. I encourage you to have a conversation with your mom about her concerns, and your desire to win her trust. Ask her directly what it would take for her to give your more freedom.

Nothing to Hide

If you show her that you have nothing to hide, then hopefully with time, your mother will begin to relax. If you are doing things that you probably shouldn’t, as frustrating as it may be, your mom may be doing you a huge favor in keeping an eye on you. Adolescence is a time of exploration, and unfortunately, its easy to make some choices that are not very wise.

Your Mother’s Parenting Style

If, in fact, you are doing everything she is asking of you, and your mother still seems like she is micro-managing your life, then you may be dealing with a particular parenting style. Some parents are just very anxious. Unfortunately, like a personality style, these things don’t change very easily. In this situation, the best advice I can give you is to do your best to be patient with her, and try not to take her questions personally.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist

If you are a teen feeling bored or unhappy on your summer vacation, being of service to others can give you an entirely new perspective. – Sandra

20 Ways to Help Other People by Volunteering

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1. Homeless Shelters

If you live in a city of any size, then there is at least one homeless shelter that helps homeless people with meals, beds and other services. Most homeless shelters welcome volunteers and have a variety of programs through which you can get involved. You might help prepare or distribute meals, work behind the scenes in the business office, help organize a food drive to stock the pantry, etc. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “homeless shelters” and the name of your city.

2. Food Banks

Food banks often work with homeless shelters, but they also serve poor people living in the community (especially around the holidays). Food banks collect food, manage their inventory and distribute food to those in need. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “food banks” and the name of your city.

3. The Guideposts Sweater Project

If you would like something to do in your spare time at home, one innovative way to volunteer is to get involved in The Guideposts Sweater Project, sponsored by Guideposts magazine. People around the country knit sweaters that are then sent to needy children around the world. This article gives you a description of the project and a pattern for the sweaters. Don’t know how to knit? Not a problem, because the article also links to sites that teach you how!

4. Ronald McDonald House

There are Ronald McDonald Houses around the country – almost every major city has one. The idea behind all Ronald McDonald Houses is very important. When a child is seriously ill, the child is frequently treated for long periods of time at a hospital or university medical center. Many families have to travel long distances to get to the hospital, and “where to stay” becomes a problem. Staying at a hotel becomes extremely expensive, and a hotel can be a lonely and sterile place. Ronald McDonald Houses provide a low-cost “home-away-from-home” for parents and children to stay during treatment. Volunteers help prepare meals, talk to families, take care of the house and so on. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Ronald McDonald House” and the name of your city..

5. Special Olympics

As described on the web site for Special Olympics International, “Special Olympics is an international program of year-round sports training and athletic competition for children and adults with mental retardation.” The site also describes a wide variety of volunteer activities, including sports training, fund raising, administrative help, competition planning and staffing, etc. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Special Olympics” and the name of your city.

6. Habitat for Humanities

Habitat for Humanities builds and gives houses to poor people in local communities. Volunteers not only help others, but can learn a great deal about building houses by getting involved. See the Habitat for Humanities web site for more information. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Habitat for Humanities” and the name of your city.

7. State Parks

Many state parks offer volunteer programs, and in these programs you can try anything from educational programs to trail construction and maintenance. This site for the North Carolina State Park system shows some of the possibilities available. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “State Parks” and the name of your city.

8. City Programs

Most large cities offer a wide range of volunteer opportunities. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “City Programs” and the name of your city. Do not be discouraged if your first few calls seem to hit a brick wall. Many city governments are large and fairly disorganized.

9. Helping Others Learn to Read

When you think about it, reading is one of the most important skills an adult can have. Many adults, however, have never learned how to read. Literacy volunteers act as tutors who help illiterate children and adults learn this important skill. There is probably a literacy program in your area. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Reading Is Fundamental (RIF)” and the name of your city.

10. Hospitals

Many hospitals have volunteer programs to help patients both inside and outside the hospital. The volunteers programs allow participants to explore medical careers and gain work experience. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “hospital volunteer” and the name of your city.

11. Libraries

Many libraries need help reshelving books, running children’s programs, making books available to the community, and so on. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “library” and the name of your city.

12. Senior Citizens Centers

Many senior citizen centers offer volunteer programs to provide friendship and community activities to senior citizens. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Senior Citizens Center” and the name of your city.

13. Animal Shelters

Many animal shelters are non-profit or government organizations, and therefore they welcome volunteers to help take care of animals, keep facilities clean and work with the public. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Animal Shelters” and the name of your city.

14. United Way

The United Way is a nationwide umbrella organization for thousands of charitable organizations. The United Way raises billions of dollars and distributes it to these charities. There are local United way affiliates across the country and they need volunteers. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “United Way” and the name of your city.

15. Red Cross

The American Red Cross helps people in emergencies – whether it’s half a million disaster victims or one sick child who needs blood. Volunteer opportunities exist across the country. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Red Cross” and the name of your city.

16. Salvation Army

The Salvation Army provides social services, rehabilitation centers, disaster services, worship opportunities, character building activities for all ages and character building groups and activities for all ages. Volunteer opportunities exist across the country. You can learn more about the ways you can help by Googling “Salvation Army” and the name of your city.

17. Environmental Organizations

The Sierra Club (and numerous other environmental groups) encourages volunteer support to help with environmental activities. You can help in many ways: by helping lobby on conservation issues, by leading hikes and other activities, or by lending a hand at the Chapter Office. Contact the local office of an environmental organization near you. See also the Earth Day site.

18. Political Campaigns

If it’s an election year, there are thousands of opportunities to volunteer in political campaigns around the country. You can learn more than you imagine by helping a candidate win election. This article talks about some of the options. Pick a candidate whose ideas you believe in (either on the local, state or national level) and volunteer to be a part of his or her campaign.

19. 800 Number Volunteer

Many 800 help-lines rely on volunteers to staff the phones and handle other tasks. If there is an 800 phone bank in your area, you may be able to volunteer to help out.

20. Web site creation

Many small charities and organizations do not yet have web sites. You can help by learning how to create a web site and volunteering your services. You could also raise money to pay for the web site, or seek help from a local company in the form of a donation. When creating a web site for a charity, you will want to take care to listen very carefully to the people who work for the charity to understand exactly what they want their web site to look and feel like. This will be extremely important to them, and you should be willing to change and improve the site to match their mental image. See this page for information on creating web sites.

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Click here to see Santa Monica Volunteer Opportunities

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems