Archive for For Tweens 11-14
Teen Talk: What is A True Friend?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
There are many people that you may know, but there is a significant difference between acquaintances and true friends. …………………………. ….,,,-Sandra
“One of my closest friends had a birthday party and she didn’t tell me about it or invite me! Should I take that as a sign that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”
Although you did not mention it, I imagine you must be feeling very hurt that your friend did not include you in her birthday celebration.
Possible Explanations of Her Behavior
There could be a number of reasons why she did not invite you. A few things that come to mind are:
- Her parents may have told her she could only have a certain number of people and she tried to pick group she thought would go well together.
- She may not feel as close to you as you feel to her.
- She may be angry over something that happened between you that you didn’t realize upset her.
- She may have decided to move on to a new group of friends.
Middle School can be time when people change friends quite often, as they try to figure out who they are and who they want to spend time with. Some people like to call everyone they know their “friends,” when actually, they just happen to be in the same grade or class together.
A True Friend
To me, a friend is someone who shows you, over time, that they want to be with you. My question to you would be “How long have your known her for, and do you feel comfortable enough asking why she did not invite you?” A true friend is someone you can talk about these types of situations with, and work things out between you. Her answer to your question will probably tell you a lot about whether she is a true friend.
And if for some reason you learn that she does not want to be your friend anymore, its time to move on and find someone who does. You definitely deserve to be with people who really enjoy your company, and are happy to tell you so!
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Dealing With Jealous Girls
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
It’s not uncommon for teenage girls to pick on others who stand out from the crowd. Read on to discover how to put a stop to jealousy. ………………………………………………………………………………………….-Sandra
“I’m a cheerleader and all of my friends act mad at me because I can do cool tricks and flips. They think I’m showing off. I’m really not like that at all. I’ve tried to tell them but they keep ignoring me. What do I do now??”
Recognizing Envy
What you are describing is something called envy. Sometimes, when you have something that someone else wants, they try to take it away from you by putting it down. This is one of the main reasons that gossip magazines are so popular. Everyone wants to hear the dirt on the stars who appear to be living the “dream life”.
You Have Choices
You have a couple of choices here:
* You can just keep doing what you are doing, knowing that you will just have to put up with other girls acting envious.
* You can stop doing all your cool tricks and anything else that makes you stand out.
* You can share what you have by helping those who are interested learn to do some cool tricks of their own.
Building Bridges
I recommend sharing as a way to build a bridge between you and those who wish they had what you have. Of course, there may still be some who won’t accept your gift, but a number of people will realize what a really nice person and real friend you are.
To have good friends you first need to be a good friend. Good friends share what they have. Good friends stick up for each other. Good friends are kind to each other. Good friends encourage each other to be the best they can be.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: High School Means New Opportunities
Posted by: | Comments.
A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Are you starting at a new school this fall? Read on for tips on how to cope. ..- Sandra.
“I am starting high school next month and I’m a little nervous! Can you give me any tips?”
I can appreciate that fear may be one of the feelings you have on starting high school. But sometimes those jittery feelings in your stomach can also mean excitement.
New Opportunities
Going to a new school can mean new beginnings. If there was anything challenging for you about your previous school, you have a chance to make some changes.
Re-Invent yourself
Have you ever noticed when some people come back from their summer vacation, they may look or act differently? Everyone grows through their experiences. How have you grown in the last school year? What would you like to do differently this school year?
Set New Goals
Do you want to be a better student? Do you want to try a new sport? Would you like to meet some new people? This is an opportunity to set some new goals you would like to accomplish.
Re-evaluate Your Friendships
Sometimes, your friends go along with you to your new school. Sometimes, you need to make new friends. Think about what you liked about the friends you had last year and look for similar qualities in the people at your new school. But if you experienced a lot of drama with your friends last year, you may want to thing about choosing new friends.
Ask for Support
If you find that after the first couple of weeks you are still feeling uncomfortable, ask for support! Express your feelings to your parents. Speak to a teacher you feel you can trust. Talk to a friend. You don’t have to go through this alone. Changes are not always easy. Sharing with someone about what you are going through begins the process of finding solutions to help you feel better.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Parents Supporting Your Dreams
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
It can be really frustrating when your parents have expectations that do not fit your dreams and plans. Read on for ideas on how to encourage their support. -Sandra.
“My parents support me in school and things they value. I dream of being a singer/songwriter. How can I get them to support me in my dreams?“
Parents Want to Protect Their Children
In an attempt to protect their children from disappointment, parents often try steer them towards careers they are more familiar and comfortable with. It sounds like your parents have some strong ideas about what it means to be and actor or singer. It might be helpful to sit down with them and ask about their concerns.
Respectful Communication Goes a Long Way
As you know, the entertainment industry is highly competitive. The hours that are required to be successful in that profession can can take away time from school, friendships and other social activities. Your parents may be concerned that you will miss out on the experience of adolescence by focusing on being in the entertainment industry. If you are respectful in listening to them, you may find that they may be more open to hearing your request for acting lessons.
Find a Middle Ground
Expressing your interests in a mature manner will probably go further than sulking or storming around the house. See if there is a middle ground that you and your parents can agree on. For example, perhaps they would be open to your taking an acting class as long as you to maintain a certain GPA, and/or participate in an activity of their choosing.
In my experience, joining the singing and theatre groups at school is a good way to prove that you are serious about your passion for performing. As time goes by, your parents may discover that you have the talent and commitment to go the distance with your acting/singing career.
In the meantime, there is value in your participating in a variety of experiences and meeting different types of people, as the information could ultimately come in handy in any acting role that you might someday be asked to play.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Does Teasing Mean He Likes You?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Do you feel your male friends treat you like one of the guys? Girls, read on to learn how to get them to treat you with more respect………………………….-Sandra…
“My guy friends at school treat me like one of the guys. They’re always making fun of me and stealing my hair bow. What should I do to get them to treat me with respect?”
Teasing Is A Form Of Play
I know that it can be aggravating when guy friends tease you, but did you know that teasing is a very common form of play among guys? If you observe groups of guys who are friends, whether they be young or old, you will often hear them teasing each other. The fact that they are teasing you probably means that they like you.
Girls Mature Faster Than Guys
At a certain age, being treated with respect becomes very important to a girl. Adolescence is a time when girls and guys start practicing more grown up behavior. During this time, however, girls tend to mature a faster than their male friends. Thus, they may still treat you like one of the guys, instead of the way you would prefer.
Set Boundaries
If the teasing is getting to be too much for you, you may want to consider setting boundaries. This means that you politely excuse yourself from situations where you don’t feel comfortable. Essentially, you are giving them a clear message that their behavior is not okay with you.
Communicate How You Feel
Only you can decide what types of behavior you are willing to tolerate. The good new is that as guys get older, you will discover that your male friends will put more effort into trying to please you. The key is to communicate your feelings in a polite and open manner.
Choose Your Friends Wisely
Girls and guys often see the world differently. It is important to remember that during adolescence, you are learning about each other through your interactions. Patience, kindness, and forgiveness go a long way towards building a bridge between you. At the same time, you have a right to decide how you want to be treated, and its up to you to choose your friends wisely.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
What is a Teen Life Coach?
Posted by: | Comments
A Note From the Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Although no longer children, teenagers are also not yet independent adults… and sometimes the road to adulthood can be a rocky one.………………………- Sandra
An Adolescent Phase of Life Coach can support teenagers in navigating the teen years, on their way to becoming young adults.
Benefits of Working with a Teen Life Coach Include:
• Understanding and Changing Self-defeating Behaviors
• Discovering One’s Authentic Self-expression
• Enhancing Family Relationships
• Mastering Social Interactions
• Clarifying Dreams and Goals
• Improving Grades
Signs and Symptoms
Some children begin to show symptoms of mental or emotional problems during adolescence. If not addressed these symptoms can follow them into adulthood, leaving them emotionally immature and unable to choose healthy relationships.
The Stigma of Therapy
Some parents are hesitant to take their child to a therapist to address these emotional issues, afraid that they will be labeled problem kids or learning disabled. Seeking the assistance of an Adolescent Phase of Life Coach can offer families another opportunity to remedy these problems.
Life Coaching versus Therapy
Coaching can be a fun and uplifting experience for teenagers. In contrast to therapy, where the therapist is seen as the expert, coaching is a collaborative effort between coach and client. The focus is on helping the teen create a vision of the life they would like, and supporting them in their journey towards that goal.
Creating a Sanctuary for Teens
My training as a Teen Therapist has paved the way for developing more creative and positive ways for working with teens and their families. My goal is to create a safe, non-judgmental space for teens to explore their obstacles, ask their questions and express their feelings.
“It Takes a Whole Village to Raise a Child”
Unfortunately, parents sometimes get caught up in their own life’s challenges, and may not have the time or energy to be as available to their child as they would wish. It has been said that “It takes a whole village to raise a child.” It is helpful to know that there are caring professionals available, should you want or need them.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
A Survival Guide for Girls Entering High School
Posted by: | Comments![Frontbookcover5210[v3]](http://www.losangelesteentherapist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Frontbookcover5210v3-800x1024.jpg "Frontbookcover5210[v3]")
Coming Soon
A Free Downloadable E-book
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Do You Like To Gossip?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
It is always fun to get together with friends and chat about things, even other people, but crossing the line to gossiping can be dangerous.,,,,,,,-Sandra
“My best friend loves to gossip about other people, and I am afraid that she is gossiping about me. What should I do?”
Gossiping can mean a few things:
- Your friend could be feeling envious or jealous of someone, and is trying to feel better about herself by saying negative things about someone.
- Your friend may be trying to feel more popular, and is using gossip to gather other people around her.
- Your friend may be angry with someone, but instead of handling her hurt feelings directly with that person, she is venting her upset feelings publicly.
- She may see some behavior in that other person that she thinks is wrong and is trying to make that person change by letting everyone know what they have done.
Since she is your best friend, your opinion is probably very important to her. Have you considered sharing with her your feelings and concerns about gossiping in general and creating a discussion?
If it seems like she is open to the discussion, you could even go so far as to express your fear that she may talk about you to others. You can then invite her to tell you directly about anything she thinks is getting in the way of your friendship and promise to do the same for her.
She is doing what she is doing for a reason. However, she may not understand why she is doing it and your conversation could be a safe place where she can explore her feelings. Together, you could discover better options for handling these situations besides gossiping.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
Serving: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, and West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: What Is Your Definition of Pretty?
Posted by: | Comments
Your physical appearance is only just a small part of who you are. …- Sandra
“I don’t feel like I am pretty or healthy. What can I do to change that?”
Pretty is as Pretty Does
Do you know anyone who looks beautiful from the outside, but are really not nice people? Have you noticed others who are not beauty queens, but you love being with them?
Society’s Standards
Its not uncommon for young women to compare themselves to the airbrushed images of today’s fashion models. The media is full of photos of girls who appear to look flawless.
Its an Illusion
Without make-up, perfect lighting and good camera angles, the girls you see on television and on billboards do not look the same as they do in an advertisement. They get pimples and have bad hair days like everyone else.
Working with What you Have
Everyone is born with a unique look. The size and shape of one’s facial features as well as one’s body shape is usually a combination of genetics. Thus everyone needs to learn how to work with what they’ve got.
Health is Beautiful
Have you noticed that people who eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and drink plenty of water seem to have good skin? People who exercise regularly seem to have nice muscle tone and fit well in their clothes.
Accepting Yourself
Before you decide to change, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Who are you changing for? Who are you comparing yourself to? What do you like about yourself? What can you realistically change?
Loving Yourself
If you decide to make some changes, make sure they come from a place of loving yourself… for your physical appearance is just a small part of who you really are. (And hopefully, the people you choose to surround yourself with are wise enough to know this)
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Is Your Body Changing?
Posted by: | CommentsPuberty is the transition from being a child to becoming a young adult. - Sandra
“I’m scared of puberty, I just don’t feel right about it. What should I do?”
I can appreciate that you may be feeling a bit scared. Puberty is a journey into the unknown, filled with new experiences and new feelings.
A Time of Innocence
Childhood is known as a time of innocence and play. It is also a time of being taken care of by adults. Oftentimes, being a child means that you have little to no responsibilities. Becoming an adolescent requires that you put aside some of your play to start learning the skills that you will need as you get older.
A Time of Body Changes
Puberty is a natural part of life which every person goes through. During this time, your body changes, as it prepares itself for reproduction and ultimately the creation of a family. It is not uncommon to experience some feelings of awkwardness, as you get used to looking and feeling different than you used to.
Turning to People you Trust
In trying to understand what you might be frightened of, I imagine that the body changes may play a large part in your concern. This is where mothers, older siblings and aunts can come in handy. They have already been there, and can guide and support you in the things you need to learn. You might also want to consult with a nurse at your school to learn more specifics about what to expect.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Do You Not Like Your Friend’s Friends?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Does your best friend have a friend that you don’t get along with?……- Sandra
“My best friend Anna, I like A LOT. But another friend Hannah, who is Anna’s best friend, I don’t really trust, because she has lied to me or just plain ignored me. I am thinking about avoiding Anna because of Hannah, but I don’t want to hurt Anna. What can I do?!?”
Best Friends
You mentioned that you and Hannah are best friends with Anna. Often, when someone is best friends with more than one person, their other friends may get competitive for their attention. In this case, Hannah may be competing with you.
Identifying Your Feelings
It sounds like it hasn’t been pleasant for you to spend time with Anna when Hannah is also around. Given that she has ignored you and has even lied to you, I can appreciate that you don’t feel like you can trust her.
Considering Your Options
In situations like these, you always have options. You can, as you suggested, not be Anna’s best friend anymore. But as you said, you don’t want to hurt her, and she isn’t the one you are having problems with. So, perhaps there are other options you may want to consider.
Hanging Out in Groups of 4 or More
Sometimes, it is less intense when you add more people into the group. Whereas with only 3, if Hannah is talking to Anna, you may be left with no one to talk to. But with even one other person present, the equation becomes more balanced.
Personal Time
A second option is to invite Anna to spend time alone with you. At school, this may not be as easy to do, but after school and on weekends, she may be willing to set aside time to be with you.
Winning Over Your Competition
Although perhaps not your first choice, another option is to find a way to get closer to Hannah. If you are both competing for Anna’s attention, you may not have even given your friendship a chance to grow. If you could figure out a way to make Hannah a friend of yours, this could solve your problem.
People Are Interesting
We will not necessarily like everyone. Not everyone will like us. People can change over time. Which is why our friendships also can change over time. If you are enjoying Anna now, and are not ready to give up your friendship, then you need to find a creative way to work with the choices she is making about other friends in her life. Perhaps you might want to add a new friend to your life…
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: How To Make Friends At A New School
Posted by: | Comments.
A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
It’s often difficult getting started at a new school. It may seen like everyone already has their friends, and some people just aren’t open to meeting new people. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,……………………………………………………..,,,,,,,,……..,,,,, -Sandra…
“I just moved to a new school and nobody wants to be my friend. I’ve tried everything! What can I do to get at least one friend?”
As you mentioned, you would be happy to have at least one good friend. I think this is a wonderful way to start, and is very achievable.
Notice Who Looks Interesting
Start by noticing who in your class looks interesting to you. Pay attention to what you like about them. Try to notice who has friendly eyes, a kind smile, and is generous to others. Pick out at least 5 people who you think might make a good friend.
See Who Responds
Try saying hello to them every day for a week and see how they respond. What you are doing is showing them that you are interested in getting to know them. How they respond back to you will let you know who might be interested in getting to know you.
Once you have gotten a pleasant response from someone to your saying hello, you can approach that person and find out more about them. Begin by introducing yourself and saying where you moved from, and asking them a question.
Strike Up a Conversation
The question can be about anything, but ideally, you want to find out what they do in their spare time. The secret to success is to find someone who you can have a fun conversation with. You do not have to settle for someone who just doesn’t seem that interested in you.
Not Everyone is a Match for You
Good friendships are often based on shared interests, meaning that you like to do similar things that they like to do. It’s okay if not everyone is a match for you. Don’t worry about it. Just move on.
Like you said, one good friend is what you would like… and if you find even more than that, that’s a great too.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Sometimes Friends Can Grow Apart
Posted by: | Comments.
A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
It can be hurtful when friends change, leaving their old friends behind. -Sandra…
“At school my best friend ignores me because she is friends with the “popular kids”. I tried to tell her one time how I am feeling but she said “this is why I like my popular friends better then you!” and ran away crying. This is really starting to bother me”
Sometimes Friends Make New Choices
Sometimes friends make choices that can create distance between the two of you, like your friend trying too hard to fit in with the popular kids at school. On one hand, your friend obviously likes spending time with you. On the other hand, she also dreams of being popular.
Each person must ultimately learn whether they prefer to have just a few close friends, or many acquaintances. Acquaintances are friends of convenience, who are around in the good times, but are not always around when you need them. Although you can’t help your friend to make up her mind, it sounds like you have a clear idea of what kind of friendship you want.
Sit Down Together and Talk
It is understandable that you are bothered by her ignoring you. Her crying the last time you mentioned how you feel seems to indicate she is struggling with some feelings of her own. Ideally, it would be good if you could both sit down together and talk about your enjoyment of being friends. In a perfect world, the two of you would then come to some understanding of where you want to go from here.
Try to Come Up With an Agreement
It would be nice if you could come up with an agreement that she would stop ignoring you, and that she could still make new friends. Juggling two sets of friends, however, requires a lot of maturity on everyone’s part. Unfortunately, this level of maturity may not yet be present with all the people involved.
Another option is for you to decide to patiently wait until after school to spend time with her. In this way, you could still be friends while she explored whether the experience of being popular is really what she thinks it is. If this is your choice, it would be important to not ruin your time together by complaining.
Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go
The last option is let her move on, knowing that sometimes people just grow in different directions. Although this is a very sad decision, you need to ultimately take care of yourself. If her ignoring you is too painful, then this could be a good choice.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Are Your Friends Possesive Of You?
Posted by: | Comments.
A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Some people prefer to have just a few very close friends, while others like to experience a variety. ………………………………..……………………...,,,,, -Sandra…
“8 people fit at a lunch table and I have more than 8 friends, so I sit with different people on a day to day basis. My friends think that I am not sitting with them because I do not like them. What should I do?”
Definitions of Friendship
It sounds like you get along with, and are well liked by many people. That is a very positive thing. It can be challenging, however, when friends have different definitions of what they think friendship means.
To some people, being a friend means that you spend all your time with them. Others may be understanding of the fact that you may have more than one friend, or group of friends. I think it could be helpful to talk to the people who are complaining, and find about their definition of friendship.
Some Friends Are Possessive
If your friends are merely feeling a little insecure, re-assuring them that they are still very important to you may help them to let go of the fear that you no longer like them. If they are the possessive type, and don’t want to share you with anyone else, you will have to let them know that your definition of friendship may be different than theirs.
After talking with them, if there are some who are still being critical of your choices, you may need to decide if they are worth your giving up all of your other friends to be with them. This is entirely up to you.
You Can’t Please Everyone
The bottom line is, that as much as you might want to, you can’t please everyone all of the time. You can, however, do your best to be honest and clear about who you are, and what you want. In this way, the people who are comfortable with your definition of friendship will be happy to spend time with you.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Feeling Nervous Around Boys?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Do you find yourself feeling nervous when it comes to being around boys? Read up on tips here! ………….………………….-Sandra
“I’ve always been friends with boys, but as lately, every time I see one of the guys I’ve been close to since kindergarten, I get really nervous and start talking about random stuff! What’s wrong with me?”
Very simply, life as you know it is changing.
Hormones are Changing
I would guess that you are attracted to the guys you are feeling nervous around. This is not unusual. As hormones change, biologically we become interested in people who could be potential future life partners. This can leave you feeling self-conscious and awkward around people who, up until now, were simply your friends.
Redefining Your Relationships
Also, as you grow up, you don’t always talk about the same things you used to talk about as a child. Therefore, you may also find yourself struggling to be with old friends in a new way. These can leave you feeling like you are just talking about random stuff.
Male and Female Roles
Lastly, boys and girls who played together as children may start moving into different areas of interest as they prepare for their roles as young men and women. Our society tends to define people in terms of male and female roles, with different sets of expectations for each. This can be confusing, as those roles were not so obvious when you as children. People you thought you knew well can suddenly feel like strangers as they move in different directions from you.
Finding Your Way
Your job, during this time, is to discover who you are, and who you like spending time. My suggestion is to choose companions with whom you feel comfortable being yourself when you are around them.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Jealous Of Your Older Sister?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Being a younger sister can be a very difficult position! It may feel so unfair when an older sister gets to do things that you are not yet allowed to do. ……….-Sandra
“My older sister gets to do so much more than me, which I don’t think its fair! How can I feel happier with what I have?“
One of the jobs of the parent is to decide if their child is ready for a certain activity or responsibility.
Don’t Blame Your Sister
I think the first thing we need to establish is that your sister is not to blame for the privileges she gets for being older. This has nothing to do with their love for either of you. It has everything to do with their trying to make wise decisions about their childrens’ safety.
So getting angry at your sister is not the best idea. Because she is older, she will be able to teach you a lot of things that will make your life easier. At the very least, you can learn by watching her. Ideally, she will be a friend of yours for the rest of your life.
Stress Reducers
The following are a list of some stress reducers when you find yourself feeling jealous and upset:
1. Politely ask your parents when they think you will be able to participate in the activity you are feeling jealous of. (This may reassure you that your time is coming soon, but just be careful not to nag them.)
2. Start a gratitude journal where you write down at least 5 wonderful things that happened in your day, each night before you go to sleep. (you could even share this with your parents if you wanted to!)
3. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are loved very much by your family, and that when your sister was your age, she had the same limitations that you do now.
4. Try to avoid comparing yourself to anyone, and live every moment of your life enjoying what you have.
If I were to fill a glass of water halfway, someone might tell me it is half empty. Someone else might say it is half full. The half full person is focusing on the positive. I suggest that you do too. Life definitely tends to be much more fun that way!!
Cool Perks
Also, remember that younger sisters get cool perks that older sisters don’t have anymore! Maybe your mom does your laundry but thinks your older sister is old enough to do her own! Perk…for now! And remember that soon enough you’ll be old enough to get the privileges that your older sibling gets, so look forward to that.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: How To Gain Your Parents Trust
Posted by: | CommentsTrust between parents and their children is extremely important. …- Sandra
“My mom is always checking on who I am talking to on the phone and what I am doing on the computer. I am getting older and she should trust me more! Why doesn’t she trust me?”
Parents often struggle with the issue of giving their child freedom to grow and experience the consequences of their behavior, and the responsibility of teaching them about life and keeping them safe.
Questioning Your integrity
It sounds like you feel hurt by the fact that your mom checks up on you. We all have a way we view ourselves, and the fact that your mother is questioning your integrity may go against your ideal self-image, and the way you would like to be perceived.
Modern Technology
Raising a child today is tricky business. The internet allows kids to connect with people they might otherwise not have contact with. Cell phones allow kids to talk to people at all hours of the day and night without their parents having any idea of what they are talking about. This is terrifying for parents, who want to protect their children from harm.
Straight Talk
Trust is something that is earned. By answering your mother’s questions, you help her to recognize that you are in fact making mature and responsible choices. I encourage you to have a conversation with your mom about her concerns, and your desire to win her trust. Ask her directly what it would take for her to give your more freedom.
Nothing to Hide
If you show her that you have nothing to hide, then hopefully with time, your mother will begin to relax. If you are doing things that you probably shouldn’t, as frustrating as it may be, your mom may be doing you a huge favor in keeping an eye on you. Adolescence is a time of exploration, and unfortunately, its easy to make some choices that are not very wise.
Your Mother’s Parenting Style
If, in fact, you are doing everything she is asking of you, and your mother still seems like she is micro-managing your life, then you may be dealing with a particular parenting style. Some parents are just very anxious. Unfortunately, like a personality style, these things don’t change very easily. In this situation, the best advice I can give you is to do your best to be patient with her, and try not to take her questions personally.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Making Peace With School Uniforms
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
You can express your unique style while still wearing a school uniform...- Sandra
“Our school uniforms are really ugly and I want to wear cute outfits like the popular girls but still follow the dress code, how do I do that?”
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Of course you want to look cute. It makes sense that you would be looking at the popular girls for ideas on how to do that.
The Purpose of School Uniforms
School uniforms are designed to make everyone look similar. Since adolescence is a time when boys and girls start checking each other out, some girls try to stand out in different ways.
How Others Perceive You
What kind of attention do you imagine the popular girl’s outfits are attracting? Is that the kind of attention you want, or were you looking for something else?
Respect for Your School
The fact that you want to follow the dress code shows respect for your school. I think your parents and teachers will appreciate that, and in return, treat you with respect.
Creative Options
As for looking cute, there are other creative ways to approach that goal. Although I don’t know your exact uniform, I do know that there may be options in regards to how you wear your hair, as well as accessorizing with bracelets, necklaces, leggings and tights, and shoes.
Who You Are as a Person
It is important to find a style that feels right for you. You don’t necessarily have to look like everyone else. However, clothing is just one of the ways that you can express the unique person that you are. A very wise person once told me, “one of the best thing to wear to school and really stand out is a smile.”
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Body Changes Are Completely Normal
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
I think most girls feel awkward the first time they buy a bra. Once you get the basic idea, however, it does get easier and even fun!.- Sandra
“My mom says it’s time to buy my first bra. I have no idea how to do this and am a little embarrassed. I also don’t want to talk to my friends about it because they will make fun of me. Help!”
Body changes are a completely normal part of adolescence. At the same time, changes in your body can make you feel vulnerable and embarrassed. I can also appreciate that it feels weird, and perhaps a bit helpless, finding yourself needing to do something and having no idea where to begin.
You Deserve Respectful Assistance
Kids like to tease, so I can understand why you are hesitant to discuss something like buying your first bra with your friends. That is why it is important to seek out respectful assistance. Big sisters, older cousins, and moms can be very helpful in situations like these. They have been through the experience and hopefully know better than to tease you.
Seek Out An Experienced Professional
If none of these people are available, there are always experienced professionals in the store who would be able to direct you towards appropriate choices for you. They can measure the width of your rib cage and give you some bras to try. Sales people in the bra section of department stores literally deal with this issue every day, because all women need to figure out their bra size.
Educate Yourself
Dealing with the changes that are occurring in your body, and have yet to occur, can feel challenging. You can always educate yourself by doing a little online research. You can always try Googling the information you need about questions you may have. Here is a link that seems to be helpful. 1st Bra
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
.
Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
Teen Talk: Wanna Look Cool In Middle School?
Posted by: | CommentsA Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist
Middle School is a time when the opinions of friends become very important, and pre-teens often wonder about how to fit in., ………………………………-Sandra
“My bed time is way earlier than all of my friends’. They get to stay up late and watch all of the cool shows. When I see them, they’re talking about what I missed and I have no idea what to say. Should I just pretend that I know what they’re talking about?”
Your question is talking about more than just television shows. Let me begin by saying that all of your friends are trying to look cool, and are having to deal with limits set by their parents.
Every Family Has Their Own Rules
Adolescence is a time when you are discovering who you are and how you want to be perceived in the world. One of the challenges that everyone faces during this time is that each family has their own set of rules. The key is to respond to your parent’s requests with respect and creativity. The privilege of staying up later is something that can be earned. One option is to politely explain the situation to your parents and ask how you might earn the privilege of staying up a little later.
Get Creative
Some shows that are on at night have adult language and behavior that some parents would prefer that their children not watch. It could be helpful to hear your parents opinions about the shows you are referring to. If they are open to your watching these shows, but are just concerned about you getting enough sleep on a school night, then perhaps they would consider taping them for you, and allowing you to watch them at an earlier time the following day, or on the weekend.
Negotiate For What You Want
The bottom line is that there is a good chance that you will find yourself in many situations where you are not allowed to do everything that all of your friends are doing. As long as you live in your parent’s house, they will be setting some rules. The better your relationship with your parents, the better chance you have of negotiating for what it is that you want. And in those times when you don’t get your way, it’s important to know that you are not the only one who struggles with parents who set limits.
Listen Carefully and Enjoy the Conversation
As for the conversations with your friends, you don’t have to pretend you know what they’re talking about. You also don’t have to reveal what time you go to bed. When you don’t know what they are talking about, try listening carefully and enjoying the conversation. Sometimes it’s nice to just be with people you like.
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For more information, please visit my website:
SandraDupontMFT.com
.
Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor
Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.
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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems
