.

Best friends often say things without thinking about how their words may affect each other. Read on to learn how to teach your teen how to handle misunderstandings.

“I started playing basketball on a team a year ago. One day, me and my BFF were shooting baskets and she told me she was better than me at playing basketball. That may be true, but what she said hurt my feeling! What should I do?”

I can appreciate that what your friend said about her being better than you, at a sport you are trying to compete in, did not feel nice. Since you are BFFs, I think it could be helpful to let her know how you feel.

Words Have Impact
The problem isn’t that she thinks she is better than you at shooting baskets. You, yourself, said she is really good. The problem is that she didn’t seem to understand how her words affected you.

The Meaning of Words
The question I have for you is what did her words mean to you? Did they mean that she doesn’t care about you in the way you thought she did? Do they mean that she is somehow no longer your equal? To be able to communicate what you feel, it is important for you to understand what you are feeling.

Self Acceptance
Adolescence is a time in life when teens are trying to figure out who they are. By comparing yourself to others, you find out what you are good at, and where you may have to work harder. Your friend may have simply been trying to feel good about herself.

Uncomfortable Feelings
Adolescence is also a time of feeling vulnerable and a little insecure. Which is why teens are very sensitive to things that are said by their friends. This may be why it feels really uncomfortable to talk to her right now.

Expectations
Something else to consider is that there are often expectations that go along with being best friends. I would guess that one of these expectations is that a best friend would cheer you on, and believe in you. It can be shocking and disappointing when your friend says something less than positive or encouraging.

Repairing Relationships
Communicating how you feel in a kind and respectful manner can go a long way towards repairing this relationship. Your friend may not have meant any harm, and may even believe that you are better than her in other areas. Perhaps this situation could be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, by discussing what it actually means to each of you to be each others best friend.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

Does your teen have a best friend that she don’t get along with? Read on to learn how to address this issue:

“My best friend Anna, I like A LOT. But another friend Hannah, who is Anna’s best friend, I don’t really trust, because she has lied to me or just plain ignored me. I am thinking about avoiding Anna because of Hannah, but I don’t want to hurt Anna. What can I do?!?”

Best Friends
You mentioned that you and Hannah are best friends with Anna. Often, when someone is best friends with more than one person, their other friends may get competitive for their attention. In this case, Hannah may be competing with you.

Identifying Your Feelings
It sounds like it hasn’t been pleasant for you to spend time with Anna when Hannah is also around. Given that she has ignored you and has even lied to you, I can appreciate that you don’t feel like you can trust her.

Considering Your Options
In situations like these, you always have options. You can, as you suggested, not be Anna’s best friend anymore. But as you said, you don’t want to hurt her, and she isn’t the one you are having problems with. So, perhaps there are other options you may want to consider.

Hanging Out in Groups of 4 or More
Sometimes, it is less intense when you add more people into the group. Whereas with only 3, if Hannah is talking to Anna, you may be left with no one to talk to. But with even one other person present, the equation becomes more balanced.

Personal Time
A second option is to invite Anna to spend time alone with you. At school, this may not be as easy to do, but after school and on weekends, she may be willing to set aside time to be with you.

Winning Over Your Competition
Although perhaps not your first choice, another option is to find a way to get closer to Hannah. If you are both competing for Anna’s attention, you may not have even given your friendship a chance to grow. If you could figure out a way to make Hannah a friend of yours, this could solve your problem.

People Are Interesting
We will not necessarily like everyone. Not everyone will like us. People can change over time. Which is why our friendships also can change over time. If you are enjoying Anna now, and are not ready to give up your friendship, then you need to find a creative way to work with the choices she is making about other friends in her life. Perhaps you might want to add a new friend to your life…

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

Welcome to my office … a sanctuary where teenagers come to explore their feelings, discuss what’s on their mind, and discover their authentic expression.

ONE FAMILY’S STORY:

“We came to Sandra Dupont with concerns about our fifteen year-old daughter–whose risky behavior was increasing. Sandra was very responsive and proved to be extremely knowledgeable about families in crisis..

She helped us coordinate a plan of action that brought our family to a healthier place. We are forever thankful to Sandra, and so fortunate to have had her support and assistance. ”

.Worried about your teen?  Schedule aFREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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Do your teen daughter find herself feeling nervous when it comes to being around boys? Read up on things you can tell her about this topic:

“I’ve always been friends with boys, but as lately, every time I see one of the guys I’ve been close to since kindergarten, I get really nervous and start talking about random stuff! What’s wrong with me?”

Hormones are Changing
I would guess that you are attracted to the guys you are feeling nervous around. This is not unusual. As hormones change, biologically we become interested in people who could be potential future life partners. This can leave you feeling self-conscious and awkward around people who, up until now, were simply your friends.

Redefining Your Relationships
Also, as you grow up, you don’t always talk about the same things you used to talk about as a child. Therefore, you may also find yourself struggling to be with old friends in a new way. These can leave you feeling like you are just talking about random stuff.

Male and Female Roles
Lastly, boys and girls who played together as children may start moving into different areas of interest as they prepare for their roles as young men and women. Our society tends to define people in terms of male and female roles, with different sets of expectations for each. This can be confusing, as those roles were not so obvious when you as children. People you thought you knew well can suddenly feel like strangers as they move in different directions from you.

Finding Your Way
Your job, during this time, is to discover who you are, and who you like spending time. My suggestion is to choose companions with whom you feel comfortable being yourself when you are around them.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations,Parent Coaching,Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

I SEE YOU
In the recent movie “Avatar” the natives of a garden planet greeted each other with the words “I see you.” It was the deepest form of respect that one person could show another. What they were saying is that I see you for who you really are. How often do you feel seen in this way?

WHAT ARE YOUR UNIQUE GIFTS?
It seems to me that each of of us has something unique to share with the world. For those of you who are artists, are you finding ways to honor your gift of creative expression? Perhaps your music or writing will help someone along their journey.

ASSISTING OTHERS
Not everyone is meant to be a performer or artist. Sometimes, being a good listener, or lending a helping hand can make all the difference in someone’s life. Volunteering to assist others less fortunate than you is one of the most generous thing you can do with your spare time.

PEOPLE ARE INTER-DEPENDENT
We are all dependent upon each other. Someone else grows your food, makes your clothes, and builds your homes and schools. In the teen years,  you are old enough to start reflecting on how you would like to contribute in the world.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

tags: Find a Family Therapist, FREE Parent Consultations, Parent Coaching, Parenting Classes, Santa Monica Family Therapy and Counseling, Teen and Adolescent Therapist and Counselor, Teen Support Groups

It can be hard when your daughter’s friends start dating, and she feels left behind. Read on to learn how to address this issue. – Sandra

“Everyone seems to have a boyfriend except me, and I feel left out. My friends are all changing, going out with guys, while I’m left alone with no boys. What should I do? I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

Change Can Be Challenging
Change is not easy for anyone. Watching her female friends start putting their energy and attention into guys can definitely leave your daughter feeling left out.

Change Can Mean Loss
I think what you are mainly referring to is the fact that your daughter’s relationships with her friends are changing. This can be a sad time, as the closeness she once felt is not there in the same way anymore, and she experiences a loss of something she values.

Change Can Open New Doors
Growing up is filled with changes. New schools, body changes, meeting new people, saying goodbye to people you liked, and starting to date …. Change, although challenging, can also mean exciting new beginnings.

A New Phase of Life
The time when girls and guys start dating does not happen exactly the same way for everyone. There are some girls that jump right in, and others that prefer to take things slower. But eventually, everyone seems to move into enjoying this new phase of life.

Staying Connected
Something that could be helpful during this time of transition is to encourage your daughter to be a very good listener to her friends. I would guess that they have a lot to talk about regarding their adventures in dating. There could be a lot to learn from their experiences. It is a way for her to stay connected and show that she cares.

Friendships Evolve
Friendships, like any relationship, evolve over time. The key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy is to give each other the space to grow and change. I would suggest you encourage your daughter start putting time into activities she really enjoys doing, and give her friends time to find their way.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Counselor

Whether you are a parent or a teenager, change is seldom easy. It can challenge the relationships between a parent and teen when either or both of them are under stress. – Sandra

Economic Changes
With the changes in today’s economic climate, parents and teens are being challenged to negotiate for what they want and need in ways that they perhaps haven’t had to before. How can parents and teens use this opportunity to cooperate and better understand each other?

Body Changes
Teens are not the only one experiencing changes in their bodies. Parents are getting older, and may be going through hormonal changes as well. How can parents and teens have empathy for the changes they each may be going through?

Personal Loss
Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to stay married. Sometimes best friends move away. Boyfriends and girlfriends can break up. During these times, it is helpful that teens and parents make space for each other to mourn their loss, and perhaps even find ways to find compassion and support for each other in their process of letting go.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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Pretty is as Pretty Does
Do you know anyone who looks beautiful from the outside, but are really not nice people? Have you noticed others who are not beauty queens, but you love being with them?

Society’s Standards
Its not uncommon for young women to compare themselves to the airbrushed images of today’s fashion models. The media is full of photos of girls who appear to look flawless.

Its an Illusion
Without make-up, perfect lighting and good camera angles, the girls teens see on television and on billboards do not really look the same as they do in the advertisement. They have pimples and have bad hair days like everyone else.

Working with What you Have
Everyone is born with a unique look. The size and shape of one’s facial features as well as one’s body shape is usually a combination of genetics. Thus everyone needs to learn how to work with what they’ve got.

Health is Beautiful
Have you noticed that people who eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and drink plenty of water have good skin? People who exercise regularly have a nice muscle tone and fit well in their clothes.

Accepting Yourself
Before you decide to change, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Who are you changing for? Who are you comparing yourself to? What do you like about yourself? What can you realistically change?

Loving Yourself
If you decide to make some changes, make sure they come from a place of loving yourself … for your physical appearance is just a small part of who you really are. (And hopefully, the people you choose to surround yourself with are wise enough to know this)

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

It can be hurtful when friends change, leaving their old friends behind. Here are some ideas on how to speak to your teen about these changes. – Sandra

“At school my best friend ignores me because she is friends with the “popular kids.” I tried to tell her one time how I am feeling but she ran away crying.”

Sometimes Friends Make New Choices
Sometimes friends make choices that can create distance between the two of you, like your friend trying too hard to fit in with the popular kids at school. On one hand, your friend obviously likes spending time with you. On the other hand, she also dreams of being popular.

Each person must ultimately learn whether they prefer to have just a few close friends, or many acquaintances. Acquaintances are friends of convenience, who are around in the good times, but are not always around when you need them. Although you can’t help your friend to make up her mind, it sounds like you have a clear idea of what kind of friendship you want.

Sit Down Together and Talk
It is understandable that you are bothered by her ignoring you. Her crying the last time you mentioned how you feel seems to indicate she is struggling with some feelings of her own. Ideally, it would be good if you could both sit down together and talk about your enjoyment of being friends. In a perfect world, the two of you would then come to some understanding of where you want to go from here.

Try to Come Up With an Agreement
It would be nice if you could come up with an agreement that she would stop ignoring you, and that she could still make new friends. Juggling two sets of friends, however, requires a lot of maturity on everyone’s part. Unfortunately, this level of maturity may not yet be present with all the people involved.

Another option is for you to decide to patiently wait until after school to spend time with her. In this way, you could still be friends while she explored whether the experience of being popular is really what she thinks it is. If this is your choice, it would be important to not ruin your time together by complaining.

Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go
The last option is let her move on, knowing that sometimes people just grow in different directions. Although this is a very sad decision, you need to ultimately take care of yourself. If her ignoring you is too painful, then this could be a good choice..

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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It is essential that parents provide their teenager with focused, non-judgmental attention. Here are some simple ideas about carving out some quality time with your child. – Sandra

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Set aside 20 minutes a day where there are no interruptions. Turn off cell phones and try to pick a time when you do not have other things that either of you need to be doing.

2. Let your teenager know that this time will be your special time together, and that you have no expectations on how this time will look.

3. Follow your adolescent’s lead. Talk about whatever they want to talk about. Discover what they want from you during this time. Do they want you to admire them? Respond to them but do not take over and direct them.

4. Watch, wait and wonder about what your teen is telling you. Enter their world and reflect on their experience of life.

5. Avoid giving advice or showing displeasure with what they are offering to share with you.

6. Instead, make observations and/or ask questions about what you hear. (”You sound proud of yourself. What are you planning to do next?”)

7. Have fun. Try to give yourself over completely to the enjoyment of a glimpse into your teenager’s life. You will only find it boring if your mind is stuck in the adult world. Try to be entirely present with your teen. Your adolescent will tell you a lot about themselves and their world if you allow yourself to be receptive.

8. Remember this is not a teaching time. Try to avoid praising or criticizing. You want the motivation of making good choices to ultimately come from within the teenager rather than through praise or punishment.

9. Sometimes, these conversations may elicit strong reactions or uncomfortable feelings on the part of the parent. These reactions may be helpful to reflect on in a supportive setting, like with a parent educator, therapist or another parent you feel safe with. It is important to understand what your feelings mean in regards to your relationship with your child.

10. Try to spend quality time every day, particularly during times of stress in the teen or family’s life.

Last, but not least, make sure to also leave 20 minutes a day for yourself to rest, relax, and do something just for you. (Catching up on household tasks does not count) This time allows you to restore yourself.

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen?  FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Some people prefer to have just a few very close friends, while others like to experience a variety. Read on for suggestions on how to speak to your teen about this subject. – Sandra

“8 people fit at a lunch table and I have more than 8 friends, so I sit with different people on a day to day basis. My friends think that I am not sitting with them because I do not like them. What should I do?”

DEFINITIONS OF FRIENDSHIP
It sounds like you get along with, and are well liked by many people. That is a very positive thing. It can be challenging, however, when friends have different definitions of what they think friendship means.

To some people, being a friend means that you spend all your time with them. Others may be accepting of the fact that you may have more than one friend, or group of friends. I think it could be helpful to talk to the people who are complaining, and find about their definition of friendship.

SOME FRIENDS ACT POSSESSIVE
If your friends are merely feeling a little insecure, re-assuring them that they are still very important to you may help them to let go of the fear that you no longer like them. If they are the possessive type, and don’t want to share you with anyone else, you may want to let them know that your definition of friendship is a bit different than theirs.

After talking with them, if they are still being critical of your choices, you will need to look at whether you think it is worth your giving up all of your other friends to be with them. This is entirely up to you.

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE
The bottom line is that as hard as you may try, you won’t please everyone all of the time. You can, however, do your best to be honest and clear about who you are and your definition of “friendship.” In this way, the people who choose to be your friend will know what to expect, and can simply enjoy their time with you.

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

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Puberty is a journey into the unknown, filled with new experiences and new feelings. Read on to learn more about this important time in your child’s life. – Sandra

A Time Of Innocence
Childhood is known as a time of innocence and play. It is also a time of being taken care of by adults. Oftentimes, being a child meant that you had little to no responsibilities. Becoming an adolescent requires that children put aside some of their play to start learning the skills that they will need as they get older.

A Time Of Body Changes
Puberty is a natural part of life which every person goes through. During this time, the body changes, as it prepares itself for reproduction and ultimately the creation of a family. It is not uncommon for teens to experience some feelings of awkwardness as they get used to looking and feeling different than they used to.

Turning To People You Trust
This is a time when mothers, older siblings and aunts can be helpful. They have already been there, and can guide and support teens in the things they need to learn. You might also want to direct your teen to consult with the nurse at their school to learn more specifics about what to expect.

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Read More→

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Even within families who get along well most of the time, there can be occasional disagreements. In your relationship with your teenager, it is important to be open to hearing their point of view. – Sandra

STAY ON TOPIC
First, it is essential to really listen while your teen is talking, instead of formulating your response in your head. Also, try to stick to topic you are discussing and not jump around by bringing up past hurts or misunderstandings.

AVOID AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
The foundation of any respectful argument involves avoiding: raising your voice, swearing, name calling, or pointing your finger in their face. You never want to use threats or taunts, which will only escalate the tension between you. A healthy relationship is based on honesty and trust, so you also don’t want to exaggerate to make a point.

CREATE A SAFETY PHRASE OR GESTURE
You should never be placed in a position where you fear an argument could get physical. Laying a hand on anyone in anger is not okay. Therefore, it is wise to agree upon a safety phrase or gesture that indicates it might be helpful to take a “time out” from an argument which has gotten too heated.

BE WILLING TO APOLOGIZE
You become a role model for your teen by being willing to apologize if you realize you are wrong. These recommendations will obviously work best if you and your teen can both agree to use them. Remember, you are teaching your teen that it’s easier to “hear” and “be heard” when opinions are expressed thoughtfully and respectfully.

**Note: If you and your teen are struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor

Read More→

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Instead of staying in their immediate neighborhood, teens are often biking, taking a bus, or asking parents to drive them to nearby cities to meet up with their friends. Read on to learn tips on keeping your teen safe. – Sandra

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TEEN IS?
Parents may think they know where their teen is, but this is not always the case. Telling a parent that they are spending the night at one friend’s, they get another parent to drive them across town to a party, working out their ride home however they can.

DO YOUR KNOW YOUR TEEN’S FRIENDS?
It is important to know who your teen’s friends are. Also get to know who their friend’s parents are, that you might have a sense of the type of values they uphold in their homes.

DIFFERENT FAMILIES HAVE DIFFERENT RULES
In your home, there may be strict curfews, as well as restrictions around alcohol and other mind-altering substances. But in other homes, parents sometimes turn a blind eye to their teen’s entertainment activities, including drinking, and unsupervised access to bedrooms.

OTHER PARENTS IN CHARGE OF YOUR TEEN’S SAFETY
It is a wise parent who gets contact information for any sleep-overs or parties, including the address, phone number and the name of the adult in charge of the event. It is also responsible behavior to call and introduce yourself, verify the details, and get a feel for who that other parent is.

TRUST IS SOMETHING TO BE EARNED
The boundaries you set for your teen shows your caring. Do not cave in under pressure when presented with the claim that “all the other parents let their kids …”  I assure you that there are plenty of parents who still expect their teens to earn their trust.

**Note: If your teen or family is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Read More→

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

It’s not uncommon for teenage girls to pick on others who stand out from the crowd. Read on for tips on how to support your daughter in dealing with jealous girls. – Sandra

“I’m a cheerleader and all of my friends act mad at me because I can do cool tricks and flips. They think I’m showing off. I’m really not like that at all. I’ve tried to tell them but they keep ignoring me. What do I do now??”

RECOGNIZING ENVY
What you are describing is something called envy. Sometimes, when you have something that someone else wants, they try to take it away from you by putting it down. This is one of the main reasons that gossip magazines are so popular. Everyone wants to hear the dirt on the stars who appear to be living the “dream life”.

YOUR HAVE CHOICES

• You can just keep doing what you are doing, knowing that you will just have to put up with other girls acting envious.
• You can stop doing all your cool tricks and anything else that makes you stand out.
• You can share what you have by helping those who are interested learn to do some cool tricks of their own.

BUILDING BRIDGES
I recommend sharing as a way to build a bridge between you and those who wish they had what you have. Of course, there may still be some who won’t accept your gift, but a number of people will realize what a really nice person and real friend you are.

To have good friends you first need to be a good friend. Good friends share what they have. Good friends stick up for each other. Good friends are kind to each other. Good friends encourage each other to be the best they can be.

**Note: If your teen is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor

Read More→

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

Punishment is designed to control a person’s behavior and is not effective for teaching teens to become responsible and independent young adults. Read on to learn why discipline is a better option. – Sandra

WHAT DOES PUNISHMENT LOOK LIKE?
Punishment includes threats, yelling, and verbal insults. If you are frequently yelling at your child, chances are that they may start to pay attention to you only when you raise your voice. Insults are not healthy for anyone, and when teens hear you yelling and using verbal insults, they learn to do that behavior too.

DOES GROUNDING YOUR TEEN WORK?
Often parents punish teenagers by grounding them. Many times grounding is not related to what the teen did, therefore they have difficulty learning the lesson you are trying to teach them.

WHAT DOES HITTING ACCOMPLISH?
Some parents hit their teen out of anger. Hitting hurts both the teen and the parent, because the teen feels unloved and the parent feels guilty. The teen also learns that hitting is a way to get power or solve their problem.

DISCIPLINE IS A MORE RESPECTFUL OPTION
Discipline is a respectful way of relating to your teen. Discipline teaches your teen to become more responsible and cooperative. Discipline allows your teen to learn from their behavior and the natural consequences of their choices.

ALLOWING TEENS ROOM TO GROW
Teens need limits, but those limits need to be adjusted as your teen becomes more mature. Many parents are often afraid to let their teen make their own decisions. However, it is very important to allow teens a chance to make and learn from their choices–within certain limits.

**Note: If your teen or family is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

It is always fun to get together with friends and chat about things, even other people, but crossing the line to gossiping can be dangerous. Teach your teen about the meaning of gossiping. – Sandra

“My best friend loves to gossip about other people, and I am afraid that she is gossiping about me. What should I do?”

GOSSIPING CAN MEAN A FEW THINGS:

• Your friend could be feeling envious or jealous of someone, and is trying to feel better about herself by putting the other person down.
• Your friend may be trying to feel more popular, and is using gossip as a way to gather more people around her.
• Your friend may be angry with someone, but instead of handling her hurt feelings directly with that person, she is venting her feelings publicly.
• She may see something in the behavior of that other person that she believes is wrong and is trying to force that person to change by alerting everyone else.

Since she is your best friend, your opinion is probably very important to her. Have you considered sharing with her your feelings and concerns about gossiping in general and creating a discussion?

If it seems like she is open to the discussion, you could even go so far as to express your fear that she may talk about you to others. You can then invite her to tell you directly about anything she thinks is getting in the way of your friendship and promise to do the same for her.

She is doing what she is doing for a reason. However, she may not understand why she is doing it and your conversation could be a safe place where she can explore her feelings. Together, you could discover better options for handling these situations besides gossiping.

**Note: If your teen is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

..

Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor

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A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist

I believe it is the responsibility of adults who have contact with teens to lead by example. Read on to learn how you can help your teen deal with bullying. – Sandra

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BULLIED?
Has anyone ever intimidated you, or made you feel less than them? Perhaps it was a parent, a teacher, a neighbor, an employer, or a spouse. The feeling was probably one of helplessness and despair, along with perhaps some anger and the desire for revenge.

PASSING JUDGMENT ON OTHERS
People often define things by right and wrong, good and bad, different and similar. When countries go to war over over religion and people are judged for the color of their skin or romantic preference, what lessons are we teaching our teens?

TOLERANCE FOR DIVERSITY
When little Johnnie hits a friend for taking his toy, there is an opportunity to teach him how to share. When bigger Johnnie mocks his classmate for his handicap or learning disability, there is an opportunity to teach him about diversity.

WHAT LESSON ARE YOU TEACHING?
If your teen frequently hears you talk down about others, or experiences  you using intimidation to get them to do what you want, you may be teaching them how to be bullies, or victims. I invite you to consider the possibility of using your behavior to teach lessons of  respect, compassion and acceptance.

EXTINGUISH BULLYING BEHAVIOR
As for parents of the victims being bullied, there will always be people who don’t treat your teen in the way you would like. But if you help your teen to have a strong sense of self love, they can respond in ways that avoid giving bullies satisfaction.

HOW TO HANDLE INSULTS
There are ways to handle insults that remove their sting. For example, if someone makes a mocking comment about one’s clothes, hair, accent, or physical features, a response you could suggest to your teen might be to simply say: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Thank you for sharing yours.”

**Note: If your teen is being bullied, I can help empower them and turn the situation around. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? Schedule a FREE Parent Consultation.

For more information, please visit my website:

www.SandraDupontMFT.com

.

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Read More→