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The Teen Years are the hardest – for everyone!

To improve your parent-child relationship during the challenges of adolescence, schedule a Free 50-minute consultation with a licensed teen therapist Sandra Dupont MA, MS, MFT.

This is a special offer with a $125 value!

I can help you:

• Build better communication with your children
• Create a peaceful home environment
• Get answers to your parenting questions
• Understand the issues teens face today

*Valid only for parents with children between the ages of 11 – 19.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

Your relationship with your teen is one of the most important factors in helping them navigate the teen years, so keeping the lines of communication open is essential… and reaching out for help during hard times is always a wise decision. - Sandra

“Adolescence marks the beginning of significant emotional, social, biological, and intellectual changes.

.The Ups and Downs of Adolescence

With all these changes taking place, it is normal for teenagers to try on different roles or masks to see what fits them. These different roles can include experimentation with morals and values, clothing styles, social groups, music preferences, religion, substances, and sexuality.

For parents, this can be an exhausting time as your child’s mood is constantly changing and the arguments, silences, and boundary testing sets in, leaving you feeling frustrated and stuck. Although adolescence can be a trying time, it can also be a time filled with newness and excitement as you see your child journey from childhood to adulthood.

Here are some practice steps you can begin to take today to help you and your adolescent have a better relationship.

Inform your teen—and stay informed yourself

Do not be afraid to address topics with your teen such as values, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, and sexuality. Create an “open door” policy with your child where they can come to you with any questions. Start the conversation about sexuality before you child goes through puberty. Keep it to the basics with menstruation, wet dreams, and sexual intercourse. A good time to bring up these questions is after their annual physical.

You may want to ask other questions such as:

• Are you noticing any changes in your body?
• Are you having any strange feelings?
• Are you sad sometimes and don’t know why?

Additionally, stay informed on what your teenager’s interests and hobbies are, ask them questions about their day, and have a respect for their individual personality.

Respect kids’ privacy

Some parents, understandably so, have a difficult time with this one. They feel entitled to know everything their teenager is doing. To help your teenager become a young adult and learn to take responsibility for their own actions, you’ll need to grant them some privacy.

In other words, their phone calls and room should be off limits to snooping. Now, please note if you suspect something serious is going on with your child like substance abuse or other illegal activity, there are exceptions to this rule. By all means, ask your teenager questions, but if they do not feel like sharing that is their choice.

Respect your child’s opinions and validate their feelings

As teens mature, they start to think abstractly and rationally. They’re forming their moral code and becoming independent. Parents of teens may find that kids who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves. This can cause frustration on behalf of the parents.

Questions to ponder with this are, do I allow and encourage my children to have their own opinions, despite differences from my own opinion? Do I listen intently to my child’s feelings, and encourage them to express their feelings? Am I a controlling parent?

It is imperative to ask for your child’s opinion

With all the emotional changes taking place with adolescence sometimes your child may feel depressed, lonely, or upset. You do not need to fix their feelings or tell them that she should not be feeling that way; give them the permission to feel what their feeling.

Pick your battles wisely

If your teen want to dye their hair, paint their fingernails black, wear different makeup, pierce their navel, or wear funky clothes, think twice before you say no. Teenagers want to shock their parents and it’s a lot better to let them do something temporary and harmless; leave the objections to things that really matter, like substance abuse, character values, and sexuality.

Also, for every one thing that your adolescent does that frustrates you, point out three things that there doing that are positive. Even though they may not show it, teenagers need and want the approval of their parents.

Maintain appropriate expectations and consistent rules

Teens will often act frustrated with the expectations their parents put on them. However, they usually understand that their parents care enough about them to expect certain things such as good grades, acceptable behavior, and adherence to the rules of the house. If parents have appropriate expectations, teens will likely try to meet them.

Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page in terms of house rules

If you are not, sit down and have a meeting to come up with a game plan. A unified front in parenting is crucial in the teenage years. Teenagers can be manipulative. Consistency with discipline is vital. If you tell your teen they’re grounded and forget about it the next day you are teaching them to not take you seriously. You need to follow through with consequences.

Consequences are not yelling or getting angry with your teen; consequences are simply taking something away for a period of time. Do not engage in verbal bickering after the consequence is given; keep your words brief and to the point.

Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 p.m. curfew? Move it to 10:30 p.m. Does a teen always have to go along on family outings? Decide what your expectations are and stick to them. Don’t be insulted when your growing child doesn’t always want to spend time with you. You probably felt the same way about your parents back when you were their age.

Know the warning signs for trouble

A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but sudden changes in mood or personality may signify a serious problem that warrants professional counseling. Keep your eyes open for these warning signs and do not dismiss them when you see them.

• Sudden change in eating patterns
• Depression spells for no apparent reason or isolation from peers and family
• Legal issues
• Sudden change in grades
• Joking or talking about suicide
• Regular disobedience at home and with teachers
• Significant loss of friends or a sudden change of friends over a period of time
• Suspicion of substance abuse

Keep in mind your relationship with your adolescent is the most important factor in helping him or her through a difficult time, so keep the communication lines open. Ask for help from a professional counselor when you feel stuck. Asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness. Remember, as I said in the beginning give yourself a pad on the back right now and say.”

Acknowledging Author: Kelly Johnson

The original Article can be found here: http://centerforhealingandchange.com/blog/?p=53

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist

A recent study revealed that psychotherapy was actually more helpful than money in making people happy. Apparently, acquiring more material possessions may not be the answer.  – Sandra

“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.” – R. L. Evans

Re-occurring themes I often see with the clients in my therapy practice are:

• their struggle to be perfect
• wanting to please everyone and losing themselves in the process
• feeling isolated and invisible to parents and peers
• feeling angry but not having the skills to express themselves productively
• feeling socially awkward
• comparing themselves to the air-brushed images of celebrities and feeling inadequate.

The Challenges of Life

Add to this marital discord, parental pre-occupation, learning disabilities, drug abuse, bullying, or acculturation difficulties, and you’ve got the makings for a teen who is probably not optimally functioning at school. So what can you do about this?

Teachers as Resources

Well, first you have to be aware of it. Often, it’s the teachers who see the students daily, who will notice the change in their student’s behavior and can bring it to your attention. Each school may have a different way of tackling student problems.

School Psychologists

Some schools have a psychologist on the campus. Some schools have interns that come from a mental health training facility that offer on-campus assessments and counseling. Other schools have a peer-counseling program, where students are trained to listen and consult with their program director when necessary. Still other schools have a list of private practice professionals that they refer to.

Innovative Preventative Options

I wanted to also let you know about some innovative programs that some schools started offering which are designed to address phase of life adolescent issues as a preventative measure. These include a weekly “Talking Circle,” where teens gather with a facilitator to listen respectfully to each other as new topics are discussed each week, anger management groups or classes, social skills groups or classes, and self-esteem groups or classes. If you would like me to discuss the possibility of implementing any of these programs at your school… please feel free to pass along my contact information to your school..

A Note From The Santa Monica Teen Therapist

Here is some important information that describes the neurological changes that occur in teenager’s brains. ………………………………………………………………………- Sandra

Adolescence is now starting at younger ages than in previous generations. The average age that girls go into adolescence is between 10 and 11, when they reach 17% body fat. Boys go into adolescence between 12 and 13.

Teens are changing

Teenagers are going through a transitional time when the brain rewires itself for emotional attachment, reproduction, and ultimately the creation of a stable family structure, thus ensuring future generations.

There is a gap between intelligence and behavior

There can be a noticeable gap between intelligence and behavior during the teen years. We used to attribute this to the assault of a hormonal hurricane. There is actually a lot more going on in the different structures of the teenage brain that end up having long-term consequences.

The brain is becoming more efficient

The myelin sheathing, which insulates nerves, increases by 100% in teenagers. Myelin sheathing is responsible for the conduction of nerve impulses to the brain. As the nerves become twice as efficient, this feeds the intensity and speed of a person’s reaction.

There are lower Serotonin levels

The teen years are also time of the lowest levels of Serotonin in the human brain during human life. Serotonin is the primary transmitter in the limbic system, having to do with morale and moods. Low serotonin levels create a state in which a teen can become susceptible to stress and overwhelm.

The brain grows in stages

The brain does not grow in an orderly fashion. It first over-produces a bunch of connections that go to new parts of the brain. Then, in the later teen years-around age 16 through the mid-20’s-it starts eliminating connections based on how frequently they are used. The connections that remain determine who a person feels they are for the rest of their life.

The adolescent years continue into the 20’s

Did you know that the teenage brain does not complete development until close to age 25? Yes, something called the pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for impulse control and operates much like the CEO of a company, does not come online fully until your child’s mid-twenties.

So if you find your teen still doing things that you both know they shouldn’t… don’t despair.

Help is on the way, from their own brain.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

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Raising a teenager can be rewarding, exciting and challenging. However, during the often-trying teen years, parents may feel they have failed in their child-rearing responsibilities. .-Sandra

Because their children are on the verge of adulthood, many parents fear their influence is diminished and family relationships are beyond help. But with the right approach, parents can build healthier relationships with their teens and guide them on the path to becoming valued contributors to the community.

Course Description

By the end of this seven-week course, participants will be able to help their teenager become more responsible, communicative and independent. To master the principles involved, participants are asked to read the book Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teenagers and complete the activities outlined in each chapter.

Topics Include:

• Understanding Yourself and Your Teenager
• Improving Your Response to Your Teen
• How to Communicate Respect and Understanding
• Encouraging Cooperation and Problem-Solving
• Using Consequences to Build Responsibility

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My Philosophy on Parenting

I propose a philosophy that honors the authority of the parent while accommodating the teen’s need for personal autonomy. My lectures will interpret the latest evidence-based clinical findings and demonstrate proven child-rearing techniques.  During each class session, following a review of the week’s reading and activities, I will lead an open discussion.  The course is also designed to support participants in reflecting on their own teen years and experiences as both parent and child.

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$100/hr per Person – $125/hr per Couple

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It is my hope that participants will enjoy a much improved parent-child relationship despite the challenges of their teen’s transition to maturity.  But more importantly, those facing serious problems will be empowered by parenting strategies that can truly make a difference in their lives.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems

Teens don’t often stop and think about who they are and where they are going in life. Parents can be instrumental in helping teens begin the process of examining their life. ..-Sandra

The Value of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection allows teens time to digest their experiences. This is incredibly important for detoxifying troubling or negative experiences. Self-reflection allows teens to figure out what about the situation is unpleasant, to understand why, and then to come up with possible ways of dealing more effectively with similar experiences in the future. The habit of reflection is hard for young people to develop on their own; they usually need to be encouraged and guided into it by those close to them.

A Sense of Identity is Formed

Teens may come to realize that there are certain skills they still need to learn. They might also come to recognize ways to avoid those situations in the future, or how to turn them around. Reflection allows teens to figure out more effective ways of being who and what they want to be in the world. Parents concerned with the mental health and good habits of teens have an important role to play here.

The World is Full of Distractions

Unfortunately, our entire culture is rigged against making the time for self-reflection. The world is literally full of distractions. From television to video games to cell phones and the whole world of information on the internet – anything looks more exciting than time for reflection. Yet, self-reflection gives us something we know is associated with mental health; the sense that one is creating one’s own life, not being ruled by forces outside of one’s control.

Self-reflection Leads to Maturity

I am not referring to the type of experience that might have once been seen as a punishment. (Go to your room and think of five reasons why you should be thankful for all that you have) But rather a passport to understanding oneself, and, possibly, everything else. For the kind of wisdom and self-control that teens need to be ready to go out into the world and live on their own doesn’t come all at once. It is gained by learning from your mistakes, and utilizing every experience you have to create a better you.

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For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupontMFT.com

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tags: find a teen therapist, parenting teens, teen advice, teen depression, teen peer pressure, teen self esteem, teen support groups, teenagers problems